


Stories of Thedas

by Noire12



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: All those gore tags are just for a chapter tho, Blood, Cassandra - Freeform, Death, Elluin Lavellan - Freeform, Gore, Leliana - Freeform, Morrigan - Freeform, POV Varric Tethras, Pain, These characters make an appearance but aren't around that much, Torture, Violence, Zevran - Freeform, lavellan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28482726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noire12/pseuds/Noire12
Summary: My collection of prompts for #storiesofThedas on Twitter (part one and two). You can find more details here https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19Contains Solavellan and Alistair x Warden but also gen pieces.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas, Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> First prompt: New beginnings.  
> 
> 
> While the sleep refused to come, Elluin Lavellan reflected upon the events of the first month she spent in Haven, as the Herald of Andraste.

Elluin Lavellan stared at the ceiling of her room instead of sleeping. She got lost in her thoughts, thinking how different it felt to sleep in a proper room, on a cosy bed, instead of resting on the ground, in a flappy tent, into a forest with wolves howling in the night. That’s how nights usually went for her: inside a smelly tent, on her way to complete a mission for the Merchant Guild, sometimes alone, sometimes with companions, a rough blanket to serve as her bed.

Now she stood in a comfortable bed, covered by cotton blankets, alone in a spacious room, with no one to snore in her ear or fart in her nose. The silence made her ears ring, and an imperious need to speak with someone, anyone, drove her restless. But it was the middle of the night, and the people of Haven were asleep or minding their own business.

She sighed at the thought and closed her eyes in an attempt to convince her mind to shut down. In a matter of seconds, another pesky idea crawled in and made her open her eyes and stare again at the ceiling. 

Her mind beckoned her to think about the events of the last month. She barely had the time to reflect upon them, but this moment was the perfect one to digest everything. The Mark on her hand flashed as if it knew she thought about it and she hissed at the painful sensation. The pain travelled up to her shoulder, to her neck and stopped at her forehead, where it vanished as fast as it came. She made a mental note to inform Solas about it.

Solas. That infuriating, exasperating, entitled man had the power to keep her alive and understood the curse that fell upon her head, or, to be more precise, upon her left hand. Understood the power that changed her life in a second. His mind knew the secrets of the Fade, and she couldn’t wait to learn more about it. To nag and ask him even more. And she knew he would gladly offer them. Maybe he was a prick, but he was an interesting prick. And she felt happy around him. 

She frowned at that. Happy? Did he make her happy? She shook her head to drive away from the ridiculous thought. He was a prick, that’s all.

Her trail of thought moved from Solas to the people she met. Diplomats, commanders, circle mages, rogues, warriors, spies and even Templars. Templars! She would have run as fast as possible if a Templar approached her, but now, she had to listen and consult a Templar (an ex-Templar to be fair) every morning. The need to run away still forced her to tense her muscles for a few seconds, the instinct warning her about the danger, but her mind reminded her she was safe. As safe as she could be working for an organization that calls her People heretics and wildlings. 

She snorted. The image of her Hahren finding out the humans call her “The Herald of Andraste” made her laugh. She needed to find a way to contact her Clan and tell them the whole story. 

The whole story? What was the full story when she couldn’t even recall how it began? When she had no idea how she got the Mark and how she ended up in the Fade? Everything around her was new and strange and trying, and she was trapped in the middle of it, with no chance to escape.

She turned on the right side, punching her pillow as if it faulted how trapped she felt. Trapped in a place, she didn’t care about, fighting for a crusade she didn’t understand. One she stared, apparently. 

She always enjoyed the idea of new adventures, new goals to fulfil, but not like this, not trapped and followed by the soldiers Cassandra appointed to take care of her. She missed running around the world, with no one to track her, with no one to care about what she eats, what she does, with annoying people questioning every single movement she did. 

All of them were irritating and frustrating, and they suffocated and pushed her to no ends. She wished they were gone, all of them, with their rules and ideas and habits. She just preferred to be alone!

A wave of guilt washed over her, for she knew her thoughts were mean and wrong. Yes, at first Cassandra pushed her around, threatening to kill her for provoking the explosion at the Conclave but, after a few days, she apologized. Varric might have annoyed her with so many questions about her at first, but now he made her laugh, told her the nastiest jokes, cheering her every time she felt the weight of the responsibility handing on her shoulders. Josephine, Leliana and Cullen helped her whenever she didn’t understand a situation and advised her without laughing at her ignorance.

Even that entitled elf, Solas, made her days easier at Haven, with his stories and lessons, even though his pride and stubbornness still bothered her. 

They didn’t deserve her anger, her nasty thoughts. They came together to save the world. They gave up on their ordinary lives to live in Haven, sacrificing everything they had to make the world safe again. They suffered from the cold, too; they suffered from hunger also. They had their frustrations and problems too. 

She had to apologize in the morning to them for being hostile and cold for pushing them away all this time. They did not fault what happened. None of them carried any responsibility for the explosion, for the hole in the sky and the Mark slowly spreading in her body like an incurable sickness. She needed a new beginning for the things to work, for her to save the world.

She tugged the blanket over her head to fend off the cold, and she giggled in the silence of the night. A Dalish mage is saving the world! If the gods were real, they had a strange sense of humour. 

  
  



	2. Bad dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon tortures Elluin in the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second prompt for this list: https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19

The Nightmare demon laughed.

A laughter so hideous, it pierced her abdomen and crushed every organ in her body. She could sense her bones crack and break under the pressure of her body, and she opened her mouth to scream. She screamed and yelled, but she could hear nothing. Only the laughter of the demon pierced her brain. 

And suddenly the pain ceased as fast as it came and if it weren't for the chains wrapped around her wrist, keeping her pinned to a stone wall, she would have collapsed on the ground. Blood gushed from her mouth, the taste of foul bile inundating her senses. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she whimpered, struggling to speak. 

"Please," she whispered, the blood in her mouth sliding down her throat. "I beg you, let them go. Stop hurting them. I give up."

The demon laughed again and approached a body laying on the floor. Next to it, another two bodies stood twisted on the floor. And a few meters from them, another three bodies. 

The floor was covered with bodies, the green light of the Fade, making the blood shine bright. 

The demon's hand reached for the body, turning its face up so Elluin could see it. Blackwall. His face bruised, his nose broken, eyes out of their sockets. Elluin tried to yell, but only a whimper left her lips. 

Blackwall was dead. Killed. Murdered by the demon. 

"Do you like what you see, human?" the demon asked, shoving Blackwall's face in her face. "He died because of you. Because of your stupidity." 

The demon turned around and dumped the body, back on the ground.

The demon slowly strolled through the bodies as if a maiden walking through a rose garden and grabbed another one. This body used to belong to Iron Bull; the mighty warrior now a mangled puppet in the hands of a terrible creature. 

"I liked this one," the demon smirked, showing its yellow teeth. "I always liked the aggressive ones. They taste delicious." His teeth sunk in Bull's skin and Elluin pucked instantly. She couldn't take this any longer. 

After quenching his thirst, the demon spun and kicked three more bodies, sending them flying in the air, hands, legs, and heads shattering from the body as they hit the ground. 

Cassandra! Cole! Dorian!

She yanked the chains, wishing her legs and hands were strong enough to pull the chains out of the rock. If all of them were dead, she wanted to die trying to avenge them.

The demon burst into laughter and turned to face her one more time, slowly walking towards her.

"Avenge them? Do you think you can defeat me? You?" His claws touched Elluin's cheeks, the blood gushing as its fingernails broke her skin. "This is all your fault, human. They are dead because of you. Every single one of them. You cared so much about them, yet you weren't able to save them." 

  
  


It grabbed Elluin's neck and pressed, stopping her breath. "When I suffocated your little friend, all you did was watch, cry, and yell. What kind of leader you are?"

A flame appeared in its other hand. "When I burned your elf boyfriend alive, all you did was begging for forgiveness." The flame burned Elluin's right cheek. 

"When I ate your archer friend, what did you do? You puked. You are useless. You are no leader. All your friends died because of your stupidity because you are a coward. I won't let you die. I will keep you alive and watch me bring your friends back to life and kill them again, again and again for an eternity. And you won't save them. Because you are a coward."

Elluin's lips moved, but no noise left her lips as the demon squeezed and crushed her throat. 

"Oh, am I stopping you from speaking, your greatness?" the demon said and removed its hand. 

"I am in chains. I can't escape them. I can't move."

Laughter. Pain. Blood.

"Liar! This is the Fade; this is a dream! You could have stopped me and yet you do nothing! You are a coward."

Elluin's eyes widened at the demon's word, and she opened her mouth to scream again.

She screamed and screamed until his voice went away.

Until a hand cupped her face, a cold hand, a flash of warm magic shrouded her body, and she opened her eyes. 

Six pairs of eyes watched her, worry reflected in them: Solas, Dorian, and Varric. Their faces regular, with no wounds or blood to stain their skin.

"For fuck's sake, Sparks, you scared us shitless with your screams. Are you all right?" Varric asked. 

"You are quite a screamer. I never imagined someone with such a petite body could produce such a loud shriek. They must have heard it from Skyhold. What is the matter?"

Solas said nothing, his hand resting on her forehead, but the look in his eyes said more than he could speak. 

Elluin took a few deep breaths, her heart thudding, but she did not answer. She looked around to see where she was, and she recognized the forest, their camp, and the sun shining in the sky. 

"I—I think I fell asleep, and I had a nightmare. It was only a nightmare," she stammered while tears poured down her cheeks. 

"The same dream?" Solas asked, his fingers gently stroking her cheek. 

"Yes."

"It is all right, ma Vhenan. Just a bad dream."

  
  



	3. Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing with the prompts from this list: https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19
> 
> Elluin travels with her companions and enjoys a free moment with them.

The sun shone above the Hinterlands, no cloud on the bright blue sky. The birds trilled their song, and Elluin found herself smiling at their joy. 

She travelled at a slow, steady pace, her horse strolling proudly, as she and other three companions made their way back to Haven. Master Dennet offered the Inquisition the best horses, and now they could travel faster and safer. She enjoyed riding, feeling the horse's muscles move under her, and appreciated the bond between a rider and a horse. 

Slowly, Elluin got lost in her thoughts, mesmerised by the beauty of nature, rocked by the horse's calm movement. She found herself at peace, after weeks of worry and running around. 

"Can we stop already? I'm hungry!"

Sera's voice woke Elluin from her reverie, and she sighed. She almost forgot about them. 

"We cannot," Cassandra quickly retorted. "We need to get back to Haven as fast as possible and tell the others we will get the horses, we don't have time to waste."

"But we already sent a raven to Leliana, she already knows! We've been riding for four hours, my butt hurts, and I'm hungry!"

Cassandra scoffed and opened her mouth to reply, but Varric chimed in. "She is right, Seeker. I doubt we can ride faster than a raven can fly. We're hurrying for no reason. And my butt is starting to get sore too."

"No!"

"But--!"

"We should ask the Herald" Solas calmly intervened, pointing towards Elluin as she rode a few meters ahead of them. "You do listen to her judgment, Seeker."

Cassandra glared at Solas for a second, but she cued her horse to move closer to Elluin's.

"You do believe I am right, no?" 

Elluin smiled and tugged on the reins to stop the horse. She jumped on the ground and looked around, scratching her head. 

"I think Sera and Varric are right. It's midday, and we have five hours until we reach Haven. If we take a break now, we will reach it in time for dinner."

"But, Herald, the task--"

"We finished our task, Cassandra. We got the horses and the stable master. The raven already reached Leliana. All we have to do is to get back, and I see no rush with that. Plus, the horses need a break. Master Dennet will kill us if we overwork them."

Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose and nodded, defeated. "As you wish."

"Finally," Sera exclaimed. "I need to pee so bad."

Elluin giggled and shook her head. She turned towards her horse to tend it. The horse's mane felt soft to the touch, and she ran her fingers through it. 

"What are we going to eat, Sparks?" Varric asked as he looked around the meadow, the sun forcing him to squint his eyes.

"I've seen a few rabbits in those bushes up ahead. I think there are a few rabbit nests there. I'm quick enough to try to catch a few of them."

"Rabbit stew sounds good to me", Varric smiled, patting his belly as it grumbled.

"Then you could set up a small camp while we are away. Is that ok with you?" 

"Sure, Sparks, on it."

Elluin looked around for Solas. He tended to his horse, removing its saddle, and spoke with it in Elvhen. 

"Since you're already doing it, Solas, could you take care of the other horses, please? Make sure they are fed?"

"Of course, Herald," he confirmed and bowed his head. 

"Ah, wait! When Sera comes back, can you tell her to gather some wood?"

He nodded again, too concentrated with feeding the horse. 

"You and me, Cassandra, we're going hunting!"

Cassandra just nodded, and Elluin noticed the irritation written on her face. In this short period she spent with the Seeker, she learned the warrior didn't like to be contradicted.

They walked in silence, Cassandra's scabbard clinking against her armour as she stepped. Elluin hummed, loving the stroll in the grass, eyes focused at the rabbit's nest ahead, waiting for any signs of rabbits running around. They hid in the bushes next to the nest and waited. 

"Are you all right there, Cass?" she asked in a low voice, careful not to alert the will-be lunch. 

"Yes." 

"You know, you're a tough person, Cassandra and I admire that. You learned how to control yourself and pushed your body to withstand any pain. You are a mighty warrior; you have fought dragons and saved the Divine. You have travelled all around Thedas, and I'm sure your butt won't get sore anymore, travelling for hours and hours on a horse."

She squinted as a rabbit left the burrow, sniffing the air, looking around for any predators. Elluin's body tensed, ready to jump at the first opportunity. The rabbit suddenly retreated to the safety of its den.

"The thing is," Elluin continued, her body relaxing once again but her eyes never leaving the burrow. "Varric and Sera aren't warriors. They can't do the things you do. They can't ride for hours and hours without stopping and eating." 

"You're not a warrior, and I didn't hear you complain," Cassandra whispered back, annoyance in her voice. 

"That's because I've been travelling since I was nineteen years old. The dirty road has been my home for so many years; I got used to being uncomfortable. But Varric and Sera are the usual people, used with taking it easy. They aren't ready to push themselves right now. In a few months, they won't have any problem with sore butts. We need to be patient with them. Being on the road often isn't easy for someone who rarely left their cities. You know Varric loves Kirkwall, he told us how much he hated leaving it."

Cassandra sighed but said nothing. They stayed in silence, hidden in the bushes, still looking ahead for any movement. After ten more minutes, Elluin tsked and shook her head. "Right, time to do this the hard way!" 

She rolled up her sleeves above her elbows and left the bush. She strolled towards the rabbit's nest and crammed her arm inside, her chin touching the ground. After a few grunts and grimaces of pain, she withdrew her arm, a small rabbit struggling to escape her grip. 

"Aha! Here, hold this one, Cassandra! Hold it by its ears so it won't bite you! Gotta find another one."

Cassandra watched with wide eyes as Elluin went in for another one. A few minutes more and her hand emerged once again, another rabbit yelling and struggling to run away. 

"Right, I think this will do. Let's get back to camp and ready our meal," Elluin said, her hands and clothes soiled with mud and leaves. 

"How did you do that? I have never seen anyone do it!" Cassandra asked, amazement colouring her voice. 

They strolled back to the camp, Elluin proudly smirking. "Every Dalish knows how to do this. We're taught how to hunt since childhood, in case we end up lost from the Clan. The priority of the Hahren is to make sure any child can fend from themselves as they grow up. I'm not that good at it, but at least I won't die of hunger."

"I see. Impressive."

They walked in silence again, Elluin not daring to bother Cassandra, visibly deep in thought. When Cassandra frowned, it was safer to let her be. 

"Thank you, Herald. Sometimes I forget how hard it was for me at the beginning."

"You did no harm," Elluin replied, relief washing over her. Cassandra wasn't mad anymore. She could breathe in peace. 

Cassandra and Elluin took care of the lunch, the stew steaming and spreading a delicious smell. Even Solas, who rarely cared about food, seemed eager to taste it. 

They sat on the ground, around the fire, eating and slurping the food, none of them talking. 

"Hey, Chuckles, do you wanna hear a joke?" Varric asked, breaking the silence. 

"Do I have a choice, Master Tethras?" 

"Nope, not really. How about this one: "How do you get a squirrel to like you?"

"I do not have the faintest idea," Solas said, sarcasm in his voice.

"Act like a nut."

Silence. Only a small snort escaped Elluin's lips. 

"Oh, c'mon, that was funny!" Varric said, throwing his hands in the air. "Fine, here's another one: What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line!"

"Ugh, Varric, this is even worse than the first one. You have bad jokes," Cassandra chimed in, rolling her eyes. "No one likes your jokes." 

"I liked this one. It was funny because we're eating rabbits. Get it? Rabbits" Sera replied, laughing with her mouth full, a few droplets flying in the air.

"Please don't encourage him, Sera!" 

Elluin watched their exchange, a small smile tugging at her lips. It has been a while since she could sit and enjoy the company of others. She slowly learned to appreciate her companions even if at first, she didn't trust them. They were loud, had terrible jokes, but they were there to help her. She wasn't alone anymore. 

"Jolly crowd, eh?," Sera asked, conspicuously leaning towards her. "It's almost like a picnic. We're missing the fancy blanket and the expensive glasses, but this is nice."

"Yes, it is. Never had a better picnic than this one."

"You did well back then, you know. When you told Cassandra what you told," Sera continued, as she bit from the meat, the juice sliding down on her neck. "She forgot not everyone is like her."

"Where you spying on us??"

"Nah, I was close, and I have good hearing. I thought you aren't made to be a leader, but now I doubt that."

"I'm not cut to be a leader, Sera; I have no idea what I'm doing!"

"Your no idea is working well. Look at them, how happy they look. Even that sour face Solas is smiling. You did well."

Sera slapped Elluin on her back, but she retreated fast, her voice going up a notch. "Why are you looking at me like that, eh? Please don't tell me you're going to start crying!"

Elluin laughed, wiping the corner of her eye. "That means a lot to me, Sera. Especially coming from you. You're leading a secret organisation. It's almost like my mother praised me."

"I'm not your mother; you're older than me, you weirdo!" she yelled as she smacked her shoulder. "Don't you try to hug me or I'll cut your fingers!"

"But I want a hug now!"

Sera yelled and got up, running around them to dodge Elluin as she chased her for a hug. The others laughed and shook their heads, not bothering to yell at them to stop. And all this time, Elluin's smile grew bigger and bigger.


	4. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few of the letters Inquisitor Elluin Lavellan exchanged with her adoptive mother and her adoptive brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt from this list  
> https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19

Mama,

This is the moment when you can say “I told you so”. I got in trouble. Big trouble. Have you heard about that explosion at the Conclave? Where the Templars and the mages were supposed to make peace? (like that could ever happen). Well, it seems I am the cause of it, or at least that’s what they think.

And no, before you ask me if my magic finally went nuts, it wasn’t my fire magic but a type of magic I never met until now. It got stuck to my left hand, and it’s slowly spreading in my body, and only one annoying elf can understand it and keep me alive. He’s getting on my nerves, and I wish I could tell him to fuck off, but I might die if I do that, so here I am, stuck with an elf I can’t stand. The irony in that, huh? There are other humans here that get on my nerves, but I try to be as respectful as I can. They can kill me so quickly. My only salvation is the Mark (that’s how they call it) on my hand. 

Besides that, the humans call me the “Herald of Andraste” because I physically walked in the Fade and a woman has saved me. They believe it was Andraste. And I can’t remember anything. I walked in the Fade, outside a dream and I don’t know it!! It makes me so furious! I can’t believe my mind betrayed me. It never did that!

Anyway, if you hear the humans talk about a Herald, they are talking about me. No, I don’t like it. 

I’ve lost my sketchbook in the Fade. I cried for an entire hour when I realised that. 

Are you well? How is everyone doing? How are they baby hallas? Have they started kicking everyone around? 

With love,

Elluin.

P.S: I’m in Haven. It’s so cold in here, my bones hurt at night. 

  
  
  


Lethallan,

My instincts never failed me. Since the last time we have met, my dreams warned me about your fate every night. A vast shadow looms above you, one shaped in the form of a wolf. My dear child, this is a bad omen. Fen’Harel is testing and tricking you. Please open your eyes for any sign of his presence. The explosion at the Conclave might be his doing.

My dear, since childhood, you had a knack for trouble, and your curiosity hurt you many times. I beg of you, do not get distracted. Do not forget our teachings. It worries me you do not understand this magic hurting you. Please pay attention to the elf who understands it. He might know more than he shows.

The Herald of Andraste? I do not know if I should cry or laugh at this. They genuinely have no idea who they are giving this title to. You barely believe in our gods, the gods you were raised with, and they expect you to believe in their human prophet? The gods have such a peculiar sense of humour. Or the humans are truly disparate. 

My daughter, I do not understand what fate you have brought upon yourself, but the appearance of this hole in the sky is worrying. I wish you were not trapped in the middle of it. Stay safe, my sweet child. 

I will send you two blankets made with halla’s hair. They should keep you warm at night. 

The hallas are growing. They still do not know how to kick, but I imagine they will learn soon. 

The soldier you have sent with this letter is becoming nervous about being in the middle of a Dalish Clan. The children terrify him with their curiosity. I will stop now before the poor man starts running frightened. 

**P.S.:** This is a prayer I offer to you, child. Keep it in your thoughts every day.

“May the Dread Wolf never catch my scent,

May the Dread Wolf never hear my step,

May the Dread Wolf never feel my breath.

May the Dread Wolf never steal my soul.”

  
  
  


Mother,

Thank you for your kind words. But not all that takes place in this harsh world is the fault of the gods. Sometimes, the greed and hate of the mortals are sufficient. And please give that prayer to someone that needs it. I am no one; I am irrelevant—usually gods like interesting people. 

Thank you for the blankets! They smell and feel like home. I can sleep much better like that. 

You worry too much. We already have a solution for closing the Breach (that’s how we call the hole in the sky) and in a few months, it will be done. I will come back to you after we close it. This ordeal made me realise how much I miss you. I can’t wait to be scolded by you. It’s going to be even better than your delicious food.

Please say hello to everyone in the clan and tell them I miss them.

All the care and love from your rebellious daughter, Elluin.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mother,

I guess the words of Haven’s destruction reached you. We survived it. I survived it. Barely. It was terrifying. I got lost and drifted in the snow for three days. I almost died. I don’t remember how I made it to my friends. All I can remember is the cold gnawing at my bones and the trail of blood behind me.

I am sorry it took me so much time to send this letter. I have been busy because now I own a castle! A castle, mother! I never had my room, and now I have a castle! We call it Skyhold. It’s a beautiful place, but it needs many repairs, and I have to make sure all goes well. Many people joined the Inquisition, and I am taking my time to meet every one of them.

Oh, I almost forgot. They made me the Inquisitor. A mage, the head of an organisation which formerly hunted down mages. This world is going mad.

Remember that annoying elf I told you about? He saved my life again. This is the third time he does that, and I don’t know how to thank him anymore. And I’m in love with him. I don’t know what to do with all those new feelings. I shouldn’t fall in love in times of war. But here I am, doing the stuff I am not supposed to do again. I don’t need more complications in my life right now. But my dumb heart races every time I see him because of his kindness and his intelligence. You should see him rant about anything. He will talk and talk and talk for minutes at a time, and I can’t stop listening to him. He’s wonderful.

Please don’t let Alaion about this love part. I will never hear the end of it next time I see him.

I love you, and I wish you were here to give me advice. But the clan needs you more. Please stay safe and don’t let anyone hurt you.

Send all my love to the others too.

Inquisitor Elluin.

  
  
  


My child, 

I wish I could have seen you at Wycome. I understand why you had to remain at Skyhold, but I do miss you. I have told the Commander to send you our thanks with this letter. I do not know what we would have done without his help. He is quite the dashing young man, and he seems to have a deep respect for you. 

We are well. A few of us are terrified to be close to humans, but I find this situation a perfect moment to teach the children that humans can be good. Not only mean and dangerous as those who tried to murder us.

I apologise for the problems we have caused. I should have known people will try to hurt you by getting to us. We will be more careful from now on. After all, my wonderful daughter is the head of an important organisation now. I am proud of you, even if I would have liked to see you in a safer position. 

About the previous letter. Alaion read it first. I thought he would die of laughter. He is coming to Skyhold in a few weeks. He wants to write a few words in this letter to you. 

El!!!! I can’t believe it. You’re in LOVE! I can’t wait to see his face. I asked the man you sent to help us, and he had no idea you’re in love. But he said his name is Solas. Really, sister? You’re in love with a man who calls himself PRIDE? Actually, that’s not surprising; we’re talking about you. You always had peculiar tastes. I bet he’s a stuck up elf who is so dull, he makes flowers fall asleep. I can’t wait to meet him. But must have something special if he made you fall in love. 

We miss you, sister!

  
  
  
  


Mother,

Alaion arrived at Skyhold in one piece. You should have seen his face when he saw Skyhold from up close. I thought he swallowed his tongue; he didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I think he might be jealous, but I wish he weren’t. He’s the leader of his clan, and that’s much better than being here, surrounded by people I can barely understand. 

Somehow, I ended up confusing my feelings to the man I love. And, to my surprise, he feels the same. It took me a bit to persuade him, but it seems we are together now. This is going to be interesting. But I am happy, he looks happy, so I guess that’s good. 

Alaion was a pain in my butt, always nagging and teasing Solas. And Solas tried to be polite because he knows I care about Alaion a lot. Solas has a sharp tongue, and if it weren’t for me, he would have destroyed Alaion with his wits. But instead, he sighed and gave me a pained look every time my brother opened his mouth. 

But I had a wonderful time with my brother. I am glad he likes Skyhold. Having him here gave me the strength to carry on. And he told me he thinks Solas is the best match for me, even if he has a pole stuck deep into his arse. My brother never disappoints, does he?

We are getting close to defeating Corypheus. Just a few more months and I can be done with this mess. I want to come home for a while. Rest a bit. I will invite Solas to join me. He needs to spend a bit of time with a peaceful Dalish clan and learn not everyone is there to get him.

I gave my brother a few packages with food for the clan. Please give the sweets to the children. I’m sure they are going to love them. I have a present for you. I hope you’ll like it. 

I love you, mother. 

Elluin Lavellan.

  
  
  
  


Elluin,

The knitted scarf is perfect. I can see your knitting skills have improved quite a lot.

Alaion talked for an entire hour about you, Skyhold, your friends and your lover. He had to stop before losing his voice. He is fascinated by your work, and I believe he would have joined you if not his duty to his People. Everyone here is amazed to know you are a great leader. But I am not. Since you were a child, I knew you could move people with your words and actions. This was the reason why I asked you to be the leader of this clan. I truly wish you remained here to lead us, but it seems fate had bigger plans for you. You are the only one who can save the world. And I am proud of you. 

You can come back to us at any time. We love you, and we miss you. And you can bring your man, too. I am quite curious myself. His mind must be as sharp as a knife if he amazed you with his intelligence. 

Fate be in your favour, my child, may the gods offer you their blessings. I will pray for your safety at night. 

Mythal enansal.

  
  


Mother,

It’s done. We have won. We defeated the monster. Corypheus is dead. It was a terrible fight; it drained all of us, but we killed him. Finally, after two years of fighting for the safety world, I am done. I am so proud of my friends. They helped me get through it, without them I’d be dead. 

I can’t come back just yet. There are a lot of things I need to do. A lot of stuff needs fixing. They still need a leader. Thedas is a mess right now, and it won’t get better if I leave. Now it’s time to help my People. To use my position and power to make things easier for the Elvhen. I helped the mages. Now it’s time for us to grow. 

It might take a while until I can do it, but I will. I promise. 

I hope you are well. Please tell me if you need anything. I will send my soldiers to help you, no matter what. I love you. 

P.S: he left without a word. I think I wasn’t good enough. But it is how it is. 

My dear, 

I knew you would save the world. I am proud of you. You fulfilled your destiny. The world is safe now, and I know you will change and make it a much better place to live in for everyone. 

Did he leave? Your lover? Do you know why? How peculiar. Alaion told me you two looked very in love, and he could not keep his eyes off you. Are you sure you are all right? I know you do not like to speak about your feelings, but you said you loved him. I find it impossible to forget your first love that fast. I am here for you, my child. No matter what. 

You are not alone in this, Elluin.

  
  
  


Mother,

Forgive me. 

Forgive me, mother, you were right. 

They are real. The gods, they are real. 

And Fen’Harel came. And he stole my heart and my soul.

I don’t know what to do. I am lost. Help me.


	5. Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arissa Surana learns how it feels to be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A prompt from this list https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663

The cold of the night made Arissa shiver, and she scooted closer to the campfire. No matter how much she wished to get to Denerim, they had to rest. Her companions chatted next to her as they ate their tasteless dinner. Arissa, Alistair, Leliana, Morrigan and Zevran have been travelling together for almost three weeks, and now they had a moment of peace to get to know each other. She quietly watched them as they bickered, laughed and bonded. Even Morrigan joined them tonight, leaving the loneliness of her isolated campfire.

Arissa rarely spoke in moments like this. She preferred to eat and listen, Fluffy drooling on her leg. She loved to learn more about them, but she was shy to participate. She believed tonight would be the same until Alistair turned towards her, a bright, big smile on his round face. 

"What about you? What's the best present you got for your birthday?"

Arissa blinked a few times, her hands squeezing her food bowl a bit too hard, her knuckles turning white. She could hear her heart pounding against her chest, and she took a deep breath to steady it. 

"I did not get any presents. I did not celebrate my birthday in the Circle."

Alistair's eyes widened, and his voice boomed with surprise. What? "You never celebrated your birthday? Why?

"Maybe I did, with my family, but I do not remember. The Templars took me to the Circle when I was five years old. And nobody asked for my birthday there. I never received any birthday presents. Sorry, I cannot answer your question," she answered and avoided Alistair's eyes, looking down at her legs. 

"Why are you apologizing,it isn't your fault! I can't believe they ignored your birthday. What a bunch of jerks." 

"This is how it usually goes in your Circles, Alistair. They do not care about the ones they cage in. They do not care about birthdays or presents or any holiday. Kindness is scarce. All for the safety of the world, as your Chantry likes to say," Morrigan intervened, sarcasm oozing from her words. 

Arissa glared at Morrigan, deeply hurt by her words, but said nothing. Morrigan's opinions against the Circle hurt, but Arissa usually ignored her. She had no idea what she talked about. 

A long silence followed before Leliana spoke. "When is your birthday, Arissa?" 

Arissa looked surprised at Leliana, as no one asked this until now. "22st Drakonis." 

"Friend, but this is three weeks from now. Why did you not tell us earlier?" Zevran asked, surprise written on his face. 

"Why would I tell you that?" Arissa asked, truly confused about his question.

"Because we need to get your presents! And do something special for you!" Alistair shouted, raising his arms in the air. "What if we missed it? I can't believe it; we have only three weeks to find a good present for you. You know, doing that in a Blight might be a biiiit tricky." 

"I am sorry I did not realize that. You do not have to buy me anything. We are at war and my birthday is insignificant in times like this.   
"Don't be silly!" Alistair insisted, waving his hand to dismiss her words. "We're going to buy you a present and have a birthday dinner for you. Somehow." 

"You do not have to, Alistair," Arissa whispered, but her words were lost as Alistair started to plan what they should do for her birthday with the other companions. 

The conversation lasted a few more minutes until Leliana decided to call it a day and they retreated to their tents, except Arissa, who took over the first watch. She stood in darkness, staring at the sky. She wondered how her life would have been if the Templar did not take her away from her family. Maybe her parents would have bought her presents? Made her a cake? A tear slipped on her cheek. Fluffy whimpered and licked her face.   
"It is all right, my friend. I am silly. No need to cry about ifs and maybes. Let us pay attention so no Darkspawn can surprise us." 

\-------------------  
As the days and weeks passed by, Arissa forgot about that conversation. She had more pressing matters to think about, the Darkspawns attacking them at every corner. 

One night, they made camp as they usually do, but this time, Alistair insisted Arissa and Leliana went hunting for dinner. Arissa frowned, for it usually was Morrigan's duty, and Morrigan rarely refused to do her part.   
The hunt went awful. Arissa was no hunter, and while Leliana had impressive archer skills, the animals in the forest heard their steps and ran away before Leliana had any chance to fire her bow. After an hour of running around animals and failing to hunt them, they returned to the camp with a few berries and mushrooms in their pouches. Arissa found Leliana's nonchalant air about the whole situation a bit strange, but she did not question it.

A smell of cooked meat tickled Arissa's nose as they got closer to the camp and she saw her friends sitting around the fire, a wild boar roasting above it. 

"I don't understand," she said. "When did you catch the boar? Why did you send Leliana and me to hunt, knowing we will fail?" 

"We planned this to distract you, friend," Zevran answered, his hand resting gently on her shoulder. "Today is your birthday. Or have you forgotten?" 

"We did this for you!" Alistair chimed in, visibly excited to talk about it. "Here, sit, sit."Alistair pushed her to sit on the wooden log next to his own. She looked at them, too surprised to say anything.

"The boar needs time to cook. We have to wait a bit more or else we're going to spend a lot of nights in the bushes. But until then, how about we give you the presents!" 

"Presents?" Arissa murmured, unsure if she heard right.

"Yes, presents," Zevran answered, a thick book in his hand. "This is my present to you. I brought you a journal. So you can write our adventure in it. Or draw. Anything that might distract you from your mission for a few minutes. " 

Arissa's hand shook as she took the journal. The black leather cover felt rough to the touch, but she loved the sensation against her fingers. She gently opened, careful not to break the spine. The white pages were empty and waited for her to put her mark on them. 

"Thank you, Zevran. It is wonderful. I think I know what to do with it. Do you mind if I used it to press and conserve plants? I always dreamed of making a herbarium. 

"Not at all! What a beautiful idea. It is yours now." he said, a big smile on his lips. 

"And I offer you as a present a spell my mother taught me," Morrigan said, her hands touching the will-be herbarium. She closed her eyes, and her hands glow green, the light covering the book. It faded away in a few seconds. "The spell will protect the pages of your book from rain, mud, any element of nature, thus keeping your work intact." 

Arissa's eyes became glossy as she held back her tears. No one ever cared about the integrity of her precious books. "Thank you, Morrigan."  
Morrigan nodded, and Arissa could have sworn she saw a small smile tugging at Morrigan's lips.

"My turn now," Alistair exclaimed, getting up and grabbing a small package from this backpack. "I tried to wrap it, but I'm not that good at it." He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck, and watched as Arissa slowly unwrapped her present.

Inside, she found a small wooden carving, a few centimetres bigger than a chess piece. At first, she wondered why Alistair gave her a chess piece but, as she looked closer, she noticed what it was: a carving after the Circle tower she spent all her life in. She gasped and blinked back a tear, but it escaped and slid down her cheek. 

"I'm sorry!" he rambled panicked. "I know it isn't the best carving, but you said the Tower was the only house you knew, and you miss it, so I tried to give you a part of it. But I guess you don't like it if you're crying."

His shoulder dropped, and he kicked the ground, his disappointment showing. He gasped when Arissa's arms wrapped around his torso, her hair tickling his nose. He stood still for a few seconds, but he returned the hug, squeezing her a bit too strongly. They stood like this for almost a minute until Morrigan grunted.

"Are you all right there?" Alistair gently asked as they broke the hug.  
Arissa nodded, squeezing the small wooden Tower against her chest. "Thank you, Alistair. I will treasure it forever."

Alistair giggled and rubbed his neck again, his cheeks slowly turning pink. "I'm glad you like it."

"Can we eat now?" Morrigan asked. "I am starving. Running around to catch a boar is not an easy task."

"Be patient, Morrigan, please," Leliana said, rolling her eyes. "My present to you, my dear friend, is a song. Would you like to listen to it?"

"Yes, I would."

"Then take a seat and allow me to sing for you."

As Arissa sat on the wooden log and listened to Leliana's incredible voice, the tears finally slipped on her cheeks, and she didn't bother to wipe them. She let her emotions take the best of her. 

No one cared to compose songs about her. No one bothered to carve anything for her or spend their money to buy her books. No one thought to offer her anything, and she never realized others could go out of their way to make her happy. But now, these beautiful people prepared a delicious dinner for her and bought her presents, in the middle of a Blight, while they had to run away from Darkspawns attacks. For the first time in her life, she understood how being loved felt.


	6. The night shift.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soldiers Adrian and Madris meet with the Inquisitor Lavellan at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt for the prompt list you can find here: https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19

Adrian shivered in the chill of the night as he waited in the courtyard for his instructor to appear. Ferelden might be his birthplace, but the cold of Skyhold shocked him. He'd felt the cruel bite of the winters, but never this far and never this deep, but he chose to be here, in the heart of winter. For the first time, he decided what to do with his life, and it looked like the right choice. He had a roof under his head, three hot meals a day and a considerable payment. The payment amazed him. At first, he thought the rumours of the Inquisitor's generosity were just rumours. He never expected it when he signed the papers to join the Inquisition. And to top it all, his superiors seemed friendly enough, and no one yelled at him until now. 

"Here you are, soldier," a voice boomed behind him, and he almost yelped. He turned around and saw a tall, well-built elf, smiling at him with a spotless armour. Blue eyes shined in the dark, studying him, and Adrian straightened his back, eager to impress the man. 

"My name is Madris, and I am here to instruct you on how to be a proper soldier for the Inquisition," he said, holding out his hand to shake Adrian's. As they shook hands, Adrian felt the calluses built upon the man's skin over the years of hard work. Instantly, he understood why the Inquisitor trusted the elf with the new soldiers. 

"I am Adrian," he answered. "Thank you for letting me work here. I am grateful." 

"I'm not the one to thank, kid. The Inquisitor is the one who accepts the new soldiers. She read your papers and found you fit for the army. I'm here to teach you. Let's take a walk around, and I'll show you the main buildings. You might already know some of them." 

They strolled around Skyhold, and Madris told Adrian everything to know about every location and who frequented them. Adrian struggled to remember all the facts. He had no idea who Iron Bull and Leliana are. At least, not yet.

"Things are calmer for the night watch," Madris continued, as they made their way to the battlements. People sleep, and guests don't come at night. That being said, it doesn't mean the nights are boring. Sometimes, the Inquisitor and her party arrive late at night after a mission. You have to pay attention to that and call the healers, in case the party needs one."

The Inquisitor! Adrian heard many rumours about her and her adventures. He wondered if one day he'd get the chance to see her from afar. 

"Your job is to pay attention. After the attack on Haven, the Inquisitor and the Commander have been adamant about this. They need watchful eyes everywhere, eyes that can see and assess any danger in a few seconds. Do you think you can do that, kid?"

"Yes, ser!"

Adrian's confidence grew as he heard those words. He had worked as a fisherman since the age of fourteen. He spent hours and hours staring at the water, his mind in total concentration. He doubted, looking over a yard could be worse than fishing.

"If you see anything suspicious, no matter how small it may look, you have to report it to your shift supervisor even if you might be wrong. Better to apologize than die by the hand of the enemy. Understood?"

"Yes, ser!"

Madris abruptly stopped and looked again at Adrian. "You know, kid, you can say something else, I'm not going to eat you."

"I-I'm sorry, ser," Adrian stuttered. "I'm still getting the hang of things."

"It's all right. I don't blame you. Being a part of the Inquisition's army might be a bit overwhelming, but things aren't that scary. Relax, take a deep breath in. No one is going to judge or hurt you. You aren't working for a mad noble who might slap you at any moment. The Inquisitor threatened us not to use any punishment methods with our recruits. A pity, if you ask me, a good beating always helped. But then again, what she doesn't know……"

Adrian's eyes widened with fear, and Madris laughed. "You should have seen your face, kid, hilarious. I'd never do that. I don't want to infuriate the Herald. She can be scary when she gets mad. As long as you do your work diligently, no one will bother you." 

Adrian gave an awkward smile and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. He almost believed the elf, and he felt like a fool for falling for it. But his worries faded away as he saw the view from the battlements. Everywhere he looked, snow blanketed the magnificent mountains. The light shining from the stars and the moon covered the surroundings into a gentle, mysterious light, and he gasped, his soul moved by the infinity of the mountains which seemed to be touching the sky. 

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Madris whispered. "I've been here for six months, but I'll never get tired of the view."

They stood in silence for a few minutes, watching the starry night and the mountains. Adrian slowly turned around to take in every corner of nature, afraid he might miss a part of its beauty. Suddenly, a creaking broke the silence, and a faint light caught his attention. A door opened in the courtyard and he leaned on the battlements railing to take a better look at the mysterious night guest: a person crossed the yard, wandering with unhurried steps and stopped from time to time.

"Who's that?" he inquired.

"That's the Inquisitor," Madris answered, following him to glance at the person below them. 

"The Inquisitor? At this late hour? Why?" 

"I don't know," Madris shrugged. "She does that from time to time. Popping around at odd times, talking aloud and practising speeches. Sometimes she sits on a rock and draws."

Adrian hummed as he continued to watch the Inquisitor. He could see her perfectly as the full moon shone its light above Skyhold. With a pouch on her shoulder, she looked around, as if searching for something. When her eyes reached their location, she smiled and waved at them. Adrian crouched down behind the stone wall, terrified by the sudden attention.

"It's polite to answer back when someone is waving at you, kid. Especially the Inquisitor," Madris said, his smile never wavering. 

In the few seconds it took Adrian to get back on his feet, the Inquisitor disappeared. He looked around, but he could not spot her. He sighed. He made a fool of himself in front of his instructor and the Inquisitor. 

Madris patted him on the back and grinned. "It's all right, kid. She won't mind it. She's a kind lady."

"How's she like?" Adrian whispered, disappointment in his voice. 

"Hmmm, how's she like?" Madris repeated, a frown knitting his eyebrows. He rubbed his chin, clearly deep in thought. "I don't even know how to begin. She's something else. You have to meet her to understand her but--" he stopped, his hand leaving his face, and he turned to look at someone behind Adrian. His posture hardened from a relaxed stance to a soldier like stance: back straight, hands behind his back, chin up, chest out, shoulders back. 

Adrian turned to see the Inquisitor approaching them, a smile on her lips, the satchel hitting her hip as she stepped. He panicked, unsure if he should mimic his instructor. Before he could react, the Inquisitor stopped next to them. Her smile turned into a smirk. 

"Really, Madris? Still doing that after six months? I told you already; you don't have to do...that," she said, waving a hand at him. "Just relax, I'm not going to order you around." 

Madris relaxed, his shoulders dropped, and he rubbed the back of his neck, a small blush staining his cheeks. "Sorry, old habits die hard. My old commander kicked me in the shins every time I forgot to adopt the correct position." 

Elluin rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well, I'm not a power-thirsty old man. Or you're still unsure of that?" 

Madris smirked at her remark. "I'm a bit unsure about the old man part, Inquisitor." 

Adrian's eyes widened at his comment, fearing for the well being of the man, but the Inquisitor just laughed, lightly slapping the elf's shoulder. He blinked a few times, unsure if he should say something. 

"And who might you be?" the Inquisitor asked Adrian. "New soldier?"

Before Adrian could answer, Madris jumped in, his hand grabbing his shoulders and pushing him in front of the Inquisitor. "Yes, this is Adrian. Smart lad, you're going to like him. Adrian, say hello to your boss." 

"N-nice to meet you," he stammered, his mind still working to catch up with the events. 

"You joined three days ago, right?" Elluin asked Adrian.

"Yes, ser."

"Ah, I wish I've been there to greet you, but the meeting with the nobles dragged on, and I couldn't leave. I hope Cullen -the Commander- explained everything to you." 

"Yes, sir." 

Elluin's eyebrows rose. "I know my title sounds daunting, but I'm not that different from you and Madris here. I'm not going to yell at you and order you around." She turned to face Madris. "I can't believe I have to say this to every recruit. I should wear a placard on my back with `I won't bite you, I promise` written of it." 

A snort escaped Adrian's lips, and he saw the Inquisitor's smile growing wider at his reaction. Still, being in the company of the Inquisitor left him speechless. 

"How old are you, Adrian?" Elluin spoke again, facing him again. "You look quite young." 

"I'm twenty years old, ser." 

"Twenty?" she exclaimed. "Do your parents know you are here, working for us?" 

"No, sir" he whispered.

"I understand running away from home to join a military organization and save the world might sound exciting, but you should let them know. I am sure they are terrified and miss you,", she said in a harsh, scolding tone.

"They are dead, ser." 

A brief pause followed before Elluin spoke again, the harshness completely disappearing from her voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. What happened?"

"It's all right, ser, no harm done. They died ten years ago, in the Blight. The Darkspawns attacked us. My father died, fighting the monsters, and my mother died slowly, infected by their bad blood. I escaped with grandma. She passed a month ago, of old age. I am all alone and decided to join you, make a fair coin, maybe help around a bit." 

Adrian had no idea why he poured his heart out to a stranger, but something in the Inquisitor's eyes made him feel safe enough to tell her everything. He waited as the woman in front of him examined him, her forest green like eyes scanned him as if to read his soul. His eyes avoided her stare, his fingers playing with the material of his sleeve. 

"I lost someone in the Bligh too," she finally said. "My adoptive father. He taught me everything there is to know about the world. The Darkspawns got to him."

"I am sorry, ser." He finally dared to look in her eyes. There he saw sorrow, the same pain he saw in his eyes when his reflection in the mirror stared back at him. "It never gets easier, "he found himself speaking. "They say it gets easier as time passes, that the pain fades, but it never does. Isn't, ser?"

The Inquisitors nodded. "It never does."

Adrian awkwardly smiled at her, and she answered back with a deep sigh. Silence shrouded them as the Inquisitor stared at the sky, and he wondered what her Elven eyes saw there. 

"Can I sketch you?" she abruptly asked, looking back at him. 

"S-sketch me?" he asked, baffled by the sudden change in subject.

"Yes! I went out tonight to sketch, but I didn't find anything interesting. You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. I won't mind it at all." 

"No one ever asked to sketch me until now. Sure, Inquisitor." 

"Thanks!"

Adrian watched her as she rummaged in her satchel, struggling to reach for something in there. A few items rattled loudly, and he wondered what she hid in there. With an "aha" she took out a sketchbook and a few pieces of charcoal. She sat on the cold ground, her legs tucked under her, and opened the small sketchbook. He watched her alarmed, once again, not knowing what he should do. 

His confusion must have been evident, for the Inquisitor nodded and gestured towards him. "You don't have to do anything special. I'll sketch you quickly; it won't take long."

Andrian nodded and awkwardly waited, uncertain what to do with himself or with his hands. He decided to put them behind his back. He looked around, careful not to stare at the Inquisitor, but the sound of the charcoal rubbing on the page grabbed his attention. Her nimble fingers moved with an elegance and a speed he never saw until now. He watched, fascinated how his face, albeit upside down, took form: his oval face first, his small neck, then eyes, nose, lips and his hair. It took her only five minutes to capture his features on paper. 

"I'm done for now. This is just the basic stuff I can do fast, don't want to keep you. But I can work on it today, use a bit of colour too. And I can make two of them, one for you too if you want," she explained, as she removed a strand of hair from her eyes, her fingers leaving a trace of charcoal on her forehead and Adrian had to suppress a giggle. 

"Thank you, Inquisitor. I'd like a copy of it." 

"Hey, that's not fair!" Madris spoke again. Adrian almost jumped; his sudden intervention startling him. He almost forgot about the instructor. 

"You never did my portrait! Don't I deserve one?" 

Elluin chuckled, and she flipped the page of her sketchbook. "You never asked for one. Stay put; I'll make one for you right now."

Adrian watched again, fascinated by how a few lines and circles can transform into the face of a man. He never had the chance to watch an artist at work until now, and he found the process mesmerizing. He wondered if he could learn how to do that.

"Here," the Inquisitor said after another five minutes. 

Madrid got closer to her to look at the sketch, and he smirked. "Oh, you made me handsome." 

"I only draw what I see." 

Madris snorted, and he held out his hand to help her get up. Elluin put her sketchbook back in her bag before reaching for his hand. Her back popped a few times, but she ignored it. 

"Thanks for letting me sketch you, both of you. I'll come back tomorrow night and give you the complete drawing. I should go now before I get scolded for not sleeping. Again. See you tomorrow." 

She waved again and left in a hurry, her hair fluttering in the wind. Adrian wondered who dared to scold the Inquisitor. 

"Well, she's something, huh?" Madris asked Adrian. "Meeting her is always a new experience. Told you she isn't that scary."

"She's strange," Adrian replied before thinking. "I mean, not in a bad way! Just….I never expected that from the Inquisitor. I've heard tales of her fighting a dragon and a god." 

"Those tales are true, kid. I saw that with my own two eyes. But just because someone can fight a dragon, it doesn't mean they have to be assholes."

"I suppose so." 

"So, are you going to come back tomorrow night, recruit Adrian?" Madris asked him, examining him thoughtfully. 

Adrian nodded and smiled nervously at him. "Yes, ser. I will."

Finally, he found a purpose in life, a good cause to fight for: a new home and a leader who deserves respect.


	7. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morrigan, Alistair, Zevran and Leliana mourn the death of a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A prompt for the list found here:
> 
> https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19

Her eagle wings glided on the cold air, taking her as far away as possible from the imminent battle. A battle she did not want to see. A death she did not want to witness. All because of duty and honour. Stupid woman!

Morrigan had to stop, to scream, to scratch and punch. She flew towards the ground and transformed back into her human form, her bare legs sinking in the mud. After a few meters, her legs gave in and she felt on the ground, sobbing. The tears blurred her eyes, and a scream escaped her throat.

She offered the Warden a chance to survive and live a happy life next to Alistair. She gave Arissa the opportunity to go on, but she declined it. The stupid, stubborn girl refused it because of her idea of honour, her fear of the unknown, thus sealing her faith.

Tomorrow, the Warden will die. It mattered not if they lose or win. The woman Morrigan loved as a little sister will die. Her soul will shatter in a thousand pieces, and she will scream, as the Archdemon will consume her soul. She will die in agony.

Morrigan sat in the mud, grieving for her sister's death, and yelled her pain at the sky.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The herbarium's cover felt rough against his fingers, but he enjoyed the sensation. The leather wrapping survived numerous days in cold, mud and rain, and now he owned it. He had a duty to protect it and keep it in one piece. 

Alistair smiled as he gently opened it, careful not to damage its spine. A delicate floral smile tickled his nose, and he immediately thought of Arissa. He recalled how she spent hours looking around the woods for the perfect plants to press, unconcerned of any danger. He loved watching her: eyebrows knitted in concentration, lips pursed, small, delicate fingers moving with nimbleness. At those moments, Alistair understood how perfection looked like. 

A tear slipped on his cheek and on the yellow page of the herbarium. He cursed himself for his carelessness. The herbarium belonged to Arissa, and he did not want to upset her by ruining it right now.

His head dropped as realisation struck him. She will never speak to him again. She will never press plants again. He will never see her again. She rotted away into a cold, dark hole in the ground, breathless.

He dropped the herbarium, his hands reaching for his face, and he yelled into his fingers. He was alone against the world—a king who will never feel the touch of love ever again.

  
  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His long hair tickled his face as the wind ruffled it. The statue of the Warden stared down at him, but Zevran chuckled. The statue looked nothing like her. In their hurry to immortalise her, they forgot her Elven ears. 

When he left Antiva, he never imagined a sculpture would bring tears in his eyes but here he was, staring at a piece of marble and hoping, wishing there was a way to turn back the time, to help her survive. Wishing he could bring his friend back, desiring to hear her shy laugh once more. 

He felt powerless, useless, and for the first time in a long time, he prayed to any god to offer Arissa peace in death. To erase any pain or regret for saving the world.

He sighed and dropped the bouquet of blue irises, her favourite flowers, at the base of the statue. He had to leave before grief overtook it. He owed her life to Arissa, and he did not want to waste it anymore. He decided to honour her sacrifice by living, breathing, and enjoying the world as much as possible. For he knew this was her wish. 

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------

She sat on a bench next to the Chantry building, her legs aching from the effort. Leliana spent the day helping the people of Denerim rebuild their lives. The town slowly regained its old look, but the people still needed care and patience to make peace with the horrible events that took place there. Make peace with the deaths, with the blood that stained the ground they walked on. 

Leliana looked at her hands and, even if she scrubbed the blood from there until her skin hurt, she could still see the blood of her friend on her fingers. On her clothes. The blood the Warden offered in exchange for their survival. The life of Arissa in exchange for every breath she drew. She felt unworthy of the sacrifice, of the exchange and she wished she could trade with Arissa. At least she got to see the world, to experience it. Arissa did not. She barely got the chance to taste it, to feel the pull of freedom. 

Leliana shook her head to push away those pesky thoughts. She knew Arissa would frown at her and she got up, ready to help anyone who needed. 

Her breath stopped. In the distance, a tall, slender woman smiled at her. Her long, midnight black hair flowed over her shoulders for a blissful moment, Leliana believed Arissa somehow cheated death. Thought that the Maker sent her back to her friends, to heal their pain. For a precious second, she felt her prayers had been answered, but as the woman got closer and closer, Leliana realised no one could cheat death. The woman had chest-nut coloured eyes, not piercing blue. 

She sobbed and left the place, afraid the grief will drown her. She went on, searching for any distraction from the harsh truth: her friend will never come back. Arissa will never come back, no matter how much she prayed.


	8. Circle life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt for #storiesofthedas. This time, I explore Arissa's view about the circle she lived in for twenty years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't agree with the mage circles. I don't like how they treat the mages there and I am glad Leliana can disband them if she is made the Divine. But this is the mentality of a twenty years old girl who had a terrible life before joining the Hold. This is her idea of a wonderful life.

At the highest floor of Kinloch Hold, the dust floated unhindered and spiders lived in peace. There, Arissa stood on the last steps, a pillow under her, lost in the delightful world of words. A tome with pages yellowed by the passage of time rested on her knees, her fingers stroking the old and rough cover as she read. The Botanical Compendium’s illustrations depicted the form, color, and details of numerous plants, the watercolor paintings still vivid and alive on page after hundred of years. 

The sound of steps and whispers disturbed her daydream. The light of the sunset crept through the small window above her head, the dust shining like fireflies under the rays, but the approaching voices distracted Arissa from the beauty of the moment.

She frowned, curious of the disturbance. Usually, the Templars gave her peace. In time, they realised she enjoyed the solitude, and she came here to read and spend time alone. She had no interest in blood magic or any forbidden arts. As long as she stood quietly and read, they let her be. 

The voices became clearer, and she realised they weren’t Templars but two male mages. They stepped softly, the clicking of the Templar armour absent. Words as ‘escape’, ‘the lake’ and ‘Anders’ reached her ears, and she sighed. Yet again, two mages plotting to escape. She listened and waited for their shocked expressions as they realised she stood there and heard them. 

After a few more seconds, they reached her location and Arissa saw their eyes widening in fear, their body tensing and their breath halting. She chuckled. The same reactions every time. The two boys looked younger than her, their faces still smooth, the acne spots spread on their cheeks. They stared at her, unsure of their next move. 

“I do not care about your plans, but I will not move from here. If you want to plot your escape by jumping in the lake as Anders did, you will have to find another place,” Arissa spat, turning her attention back to the book. 

“You won’t tell Irving?” The blond boy inquired, his voice thick with fear. 

“No. Now go away.” 

“Why don’t you join us, then?” the other proposed, his long, brown hair slipping into his left eye as his fist hit his palm. “You look older and smarter than us and together, we can make up a good plan to escape this prison.”

Arissa glared at them, a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth. She shut the book with a snap, both of them jumping at the sudden noise. “Who said I want to leave this place you call a prison?”

The blond-haired boy scowled and shook his head at her. “She’s one of those, Marius.”, he spoke with his friend, turning his back at Arissa. “One of the brainwashed mages who likes to kiss the asses of the Templars and call this blasted prison “home.” Let’s go, I don’t want to deal with her.” 

The other boy stood still for a moment, wavering, studying her face, but after a few seconds, he spit on her shoe and followed his friend down on the steps. 

Arissa shook her head and opened the book again, ready to lose herself in the world of the book. After a few minutes, she realised she did not pay attention to anything she read, the words of the two boys distracting her. How easy it was for them to call her an ass kisser and spit on her. She never did those things. The Templars left her alone because she stood quiet, never getting in their way. But they were right. She enjoyed being here. This was her home. 

She rose from her seat, tucking the pillow under one arm and holding the book in her left hand. As the night came, getting down the steps became a dangerous affair. Reluctantly, she left her favourite reading spot and made her way back to the dormitories. 

She couldn’t blame them from seeing the tower as a prison. As humans, they had good homes and happy families. The Templars dragged them away from a beautiful life, but for her, it was different. When they took her from her home, she could barely stand straight. She was sick, thin and frozen. Living in the Elven alienage almost killed her. 

She was seven years old when they took her. The memories of those times were foggy, but she vividly remembered the cold’s frozen kiss. Her shoes had more holes than material and they couldn’t protect her from the mud and the waste burying the roads of the Denerim alienage. One night, her legs froze, and she prayed and begged any god for a bit of heat. And the gods answered by offering her magic. Magical fire surrounded her fingers, warming her and her family. But it was too late for her younger sister. She died coughing to her death. The Templars came the next day, and she cried and yelled in fear, her hands reaching for her mother, but her mother did nothing to stop them. That was the last time she saw her family. As years passed by, she understood why her mother did nothing. With her gone and her sister dead, they had a better chance at surviving. 

  
  


At first, the Templars and Irving terrified her. It didn’t last too long. They gave her clean, dry clothes and the heat of the tower beckoned her to sleep. When she woke up, they fed her food she never tasted until then, and Irving explained why the Hold would be her new home. They offered her a superior education. She learned how to write and read. They introduced her to the world of books and taught her how to control her powers. If she stayed in the alienage, she wouldn’t have learned anything. Her parents had no books to teach her how to read. Food was more important than books. 

She wasn’t blind. She knew her colleagues got in trouble and they suffered for that. The Templars enjoyed beating and tormenting some mages but not her. No, she learned how to stay out of their way and mind her own business, as quietly as a mouse. She had no grandiose dreams of travelling around the world or meeting outside people. She was content with everything she had here. And Irvin praised her for her intelligence and her healing magic. In a few years, she might even replace him as the First Enchanter. 

The cacophony of dozens of people discussing buzzed in her ears as she reached the end of her stroll. The dormitory burst with people, the mages readying themselves for a night of sleep. She took a deep breath in, the comfort of the familiar smell driving those pesky thoughts away. Yes, she loved being here. Yes, she loved the circle life. And they were free to judge her as much as they liked. But she was happy. And no one could take that happiness away as long as she had a place in the Hold. 

  
  
  



	9. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elluin Lavellan learns more about what family can mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt for #storiesofthedas

At noon, when the sun shone shily behind the dense banks of clouds, Skyhold’s yard burst with people. Human, elves, dwarves hurried to finish their numerous tasks, each one of them paving the way for a better world. The Inquisitor walked amongst them, greeting them but anyone with a keen eye noticed how her smile failed to lit up her eyes, how her answers, short and brisk, lacked the usual cheerfulness. A few of them frowned at the unusual display, but no one dared to ask or console her. After all, who dared to question the Herald’s moods?

Elluin, oblivious to the concerned glances, chatted and forced herself to smile in an attempt to push away the melancholy shrouding her soul. It came, uncalled and unwanted, a few hours after her adoptive brother finished his visit and left Skyhold. Her smile dropped when his silhouette gradually shrunk as the distance between them grew. Her heart urged her to join him, to go back to her clan, to her family, to spend a few weeks with them. `Impossible`, her mind admonished her. She had a duty; she had to lead the Inquisition. The shadow of a mad god loomed above them, and she had no time, no right to relax. She agreed with her mind and turned her back at the path leading away from Skyhold. As hours passed, his absence brought a heaviness in her limbs and her mind.

She strolled aimlessly, her legs leading her nowhere, hoping for a distraction to wake her from this state, but as she walked amongst the people of Skyhold, the loneliness grew deeper. All those people saw her as the leader, as the Inquisitor, their fear mixed with respect, building an impenetrable barrier, one that stopped her from creating real bonds. The only ones who truly understood her were kilometres away. She was alone in a sea of people.

“Boss!”, Bull’s booming voice startled her. She blinked a few times, the sudden pull of reality unbalancing her. She immediately smiled at him, the mask of the joyful and undisturbed leader covering the melancholy in her eyes. 

“Hello Bull,” she greeted him as he joined her. “How are you today?” 

“I’m good, Boss, just hanging around, looking for someone to have a drink with. And you?”

”I’m fine,” she shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “Just strolling around.”

He patted her back vigorously and grinned at her. “Boss, don’t try to lie to me. I’m a spy. What’s the problem?”

Before she could explain, he grabbed her shoulder and dragged her towards the tavern, his fingers clutching her. She had no chance to dodge him. For a second, she thought about lying, to smile and pretend everything is well.

“I am sad, Bull”, she whispered. “My brother left, and I couldn’t go with him. I have no family here. No matter where I go, this loneliness won’t leave me. I don’t know what to do anymore. “

Bull hummed and squeezed harder but said nothing as they arrived at the entrance of the tavern. He let go of her, pushed the door and gestured for her to enter first. The warmth of the tavern embraced her, and the smell of wet clothes, cheap ale and hearty food assaulted her nose. She instantly relaxed, the familiarity of the place welcoming her as a mother holds her child in her embrace. Every soul in the tavern turned around to look at the new arrivals, and a few of them loudly greeted her. A soldier got up from his chair and bowed at her, his hand touching the floor in an exquisite gesture of politeness. She giggled at him, her hand furiously rubbing the back of her neck. 

“Yeah, yeah, stop kissing her ass,” Bull snickered, dragging Elluin away from the Orlesian soldier. “We’re here for a beer. Stop flirting with her. She’s taken.”

She sucked a deep breath in as a blush dusted her cheeks. “Please don’t say that out loud, Bull. I am trying to keep it a secret.” 

Bull laugh reverberated in the tavern, drawing everyone’s eyes to them again. She slumped down on a chair, staring at the table in front of her. Her mood soured as dozens of eyes analysed her every movement. She closed her eyes and rested her head on the wall behind her, wishing she could merge with the wall and disappear. 

Bull joined her a few moments later, a tankard with cold, foaming beer in his left hand and a mug with hot, steaming chocolate in his right. She gulped down the chocolate, the hot liquid burning her tongue. 

“Speaking of lovers,” Bull finally spoke after tasting his beer. “How come you didn’t talk with Solas about your feelings?”

She slowly licked her lips while eyes examined the tavern, looking for a place to focus her attention on. “I don’t know. I’m not sure he would understand. When I asked him if he has a family, he told me he had none. I don’t want to put him in an awkward situation.”

Bull snorted and drank again. Her eyes shifted back at him, and she squinted. “Do you have a problem with this?”

He shrugged. “No. It’s just funny how oblivious you can sometimes be. Maybe he has no family, but what if you are his family now, huh?”

She opened her mouth a few times to speak, but she gave up, closing it with an audible click. Her head dropped, and she stared at the table again.

“I see the thought didn’t pass your mind. Well, there’s another one for you: what if we see you as our family?”

Her head snapped back and hit the wall behind her. She hissed, the contact with the wall sending ripples down her spine. 

“Thought so” Bull commented, shaking his head at her. 

“Bull, I--” she tried, but he raised his hand and spoke again. 

“Let me finish. I know how you are. You left your clan as a kid and faced a lot of weird stuff. I can’t blame you for that. Slowly, you learned you couldn’t put your trust or your faith in others because you’ll end up hurt. Some of them died or left. Some of them even tried to kill you. And you convinced yourself no one would care about you. Every single person you meet will leave you in the end. You laugh, make jokes and wave your hand in dismissal at everything. You put a wall between yourself and the world, too scared to get attached. But what do you do when others get attached to you? You scramble around confused.

“I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to miss your clan, to miss your mom and your friends. But maybe it will help you to know others are glad to have you here. Some of us see you as a sister. One of us is in love with you. You have so many people you can confide with, yet you decided to steam in your sadness. That won’t help you at all, Boss. It will drain you away and distract you from the things that matter. You have a family here. You have to open your eyes to realise it.” 

He paused, winked at her, and swallowed down the rest of the beer. “I’m going to get another beer, do you want something else?”

She shook her head at him. Her stomach clenched at his words, and she doubted any liquid could help her. She learned how to be independent to a fault, how to stand on her two feet and make it through life on her own. At times she felt proud of this, of his strength to carry on without any help, but right now, Bull’s words shook up that pride. His words may have been harsh, but they hold the truth. So many people helped her when in need, so many offered their shoulder for her to lean on, and she pushed them away, too prideful and afraid to accept it. She suffocated in her sadness and ignored the ones who could help her. 

When Bull returned, she gave him a sheepishly look, shifting her feet, folding and refolding her hands before her, unsure how to continue. 

“If you want to apologise,” he began, “stop it”. You have nothing to apologise for. It took me a while to learn that. I’m just passing the knowledge.”

“Thank you, Bull.” she managed to say. “I have some thinking to do.” 

“All right, Boss. Take your time. I know it’s hard to trust others, but we’ve been through a lot together. Try to see if you can trust us. “

She opened her mouth to speak, but her words were cut short by the arrival of Bull’s team. His noisy group greeted everyone and cheered for another mission completed. Krem made his way to their table, a big grin on his face. The grin dropped at the sight of the Inquisitor’s face. He slapped Bull’s arm, the clap resounding in the tavern.

“What did you do to her?” he inquired, his voice coloured with concern. “What did he say to you, your Worship? 

“Hey, now!” Bull protested, rubbing his arm. “She was like this when I found her; I didn’t do anything.” 

Elluin laughed. A hearty, warm laugh, one she thought lost when her brother left. “Isn’t his fault, Krem. I’m just an idiot. Nothing new.” 

Krem eyed both of them, but he stopped to stare at Bull. “You said something, and now she’s covering for you, didn’t you?”

Elluin giggled, watching the two men bickering, but Bull’s words echoed in her mind. The thought surprised her but home, she realised, was not a place but an idea, a feeling, that blossoms in one’s heart, as long as one lets the others touch their heart.


	10. The Night Sky.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the eerie blackness of the night, the stars twinkled and fluttered. In every direction Arissa looked, a star blinked back at her. She tilted her head, gazing upward, eyes wide open, in an attempt to see them all at once. She stared at the dots stretched across the endless night sky, their beauty and mystery burning away any worrisome thought. She was alone, surrounded by their celestial beauty. The stars offered her the peace of mind she craved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt from this list https://twitter.com/Talviiiii/status/1338951051119046663?s=19

Midnight found Arissa sitting on the frozen ground; a book spread across her knees. Fluffy, her beloved Mabari, snored softly next to her, his drool staining her trousers.

The uneventful hours and the lack of company made the night excruciatingly dull. The book did nothing to relieve the incurable boredom. She sighed in disappointment and closed it, placing it next to her, careful not to wake Fluffy. 

Her eyes scanned the small camp in search of any distraction. A campfire crackled cheerfully, its light casting long, dancing shadows on their tents. Inside the tents, her companies laid in their bedrolls, lost in the world of dreams, the hardship of their circumstances forgotten. 

The large oak trees surrounding their camp stood still, the leaves motionless and quiet. Her eyes followed their branches to the top, stopping to gaze at the sky.

In the eerie blackness of the night, the stars twinkled and fluttered. In every direction Arissa looked, a star blinked back at her. She tilted her head, gazing upward, eyes wide open, in an attempt to see them all at once. She stared at the dots stretched across the endless night sky, their beauty and mystery burning away any worrisome thought. She was alone, surrounded by their celestial beauty. The stars offered her the peace of mind she craved.

Arissa slightly jumped at the sound of a tent flap opening. Fluffy whimpered and rose from his place, making his way towards the fire. He sat next to it with a content noise. 

Arissa frowned and turned to look at the one daring to interrupt the moment. Alistair emerged from the tent; his hair ruffled, dark circles under his eyes, shoulders slumped. He barely paid any attention to his surroundings, eyes half-opened. He stopped, yawned, and ran a hand through his dirty hair. Just then, he noticed Arissa. He tried to smile at her, but it came out as a grimace.

"Nightmares?" she inquired, her eyes bearing a worried expression.   
He nodded and joined her, slumping down on the ground, their elbows slightly brushing. 

His head dropped, and he stared at the ground. "The nightmares are getting worse. I don't think I can sleep more tonight." He looked back at Arissa, a forced smile tugging at his lips. "I can take over. You get some sleep. You're doing the hard work, anyway." 

She shook her head in refusal, her gaze turning back to look at the night sky. "I am not tired. I want to look at the stars. They are mesmerizing. I never had the chance to see the night sky like this until now."

Alistair followed her gaze. He hummed, scratching his head. "I guess. I never paid that much attention to them. When I lived in the stables, I could see them through the roofs' cracks, but I'd fall asleep quickly. Never had the time to gaze at them. Did they allow you to look at the stars from the top of the tower?"

Arissa chuckled. "No, we were not allowed at the top of the tower. Irving was afraid a mage might jump from there, especially at night. I did study all the constellations and learn how to identify them. We had dozens of books explaining the meaning behind their names and who named them, but they said nothing about their beauty."

She stopped speaking, and a comfortable silence enveloped them as they gazed at the sky. An owl gilded nearby, its hunting hoot reverberating into the night, fading away until silence shrouded them again.

"Can you tell me about the names?" Alistair whispered, his words bringing Arissa back to reality. 

She took a deep breath in to gather her racing thoughts. She looked down at her legs and spoke in a confident voice, the question bringing a smile on her lips. "Currently, we use the names given by the Tevinter Magisters, but it is believed the Arlathan elves were the first to name them. The Magisters used magical devices called Astrariums to watch the stars and named them after their Old Gods. Of course, outside Tevinter, some of them have different names. For example, in the common parlance, the constellation Draconis is called the High Dragon, or the one named Peraquialus is also called Voyager and depending on the location, some of them might even-----" she abruptly stopped, a blush blooming on her cheeks. She looked back at Alistair, rubbing her arm. "I apologize. Once I get the chance to speak about a subject I find interesting, I tend to ramble away."

Alistair laughed and gently tapped her back. "Don't worry about it; I don't mind it. I did ask after all." 

She stiffed at his gesture, the sudden contact sending a chill up her spine. Alistair retreated his hand in a hurry, but before he could say something, Arissa spoke again. "If you look carefully, you can spot the High Dragon from here," she raised her hand, her finger pointing somewhere above their heads. 

"Where?" Alistair asked, genuine curiosity painting his voice. "I can't see it." 

Arissa grabbed his arm and dragged him closer to her. His eyes widened, his lips slightly parting, but he said nothing.

"Here! If you tilt your head to the right, you can see the dragon's wings. Here, here, and here. Those three stars depict a side of its left-wing," she said, her finger moving down, drawing the dragon's wing in the air. 

Alistair squinted and stared at the sky for a few seconds. He scratches his head, eyebrows knitted in confusion. "I don't see it." 

She dragged him even closer to her, their heads touching. Alistair gave her a sidelong glance. "Here. Look, you can even see the dragon's body," she pointed at a few more stars.

"Hmmmmm," Alistair hummed. "That looks more like a big human waving his hands in the air. Like someone stole his cheese and now he's waving for someone to help him."

Arissa's clear and loud laugh resounded in the silence of the night, frightening a raven. The bird took flight, croaking at the sudden noise. She slapped her hands on her mouth and glanced at the tents where her companions slept. She breathed a sigh of relief when no one exited the tent to scold her for waking them up.

"I'm sorry," Alistair whispered, an apologetic smile on his lips. 

"All seems fine, no harm done. But indeed, I can understand why you saw that. You are not wrong." Arissa giggled, one hand on her lips to hide her smile. 

Alistair beamed at her, and she could see the pride shining in his eyes for a joke well said. 

"There are a few more I can show you if you don't mind it."   
"I don't. But try not to laugh so hard, or Leliana is going to kill us for waking her up."

"I will try, but I cannot promise that," she grinned and leaned against his shoulder, the warmth of his body wrapping her mind in a shroud of security. 

Midnight passed, leaving Arissa smiling. Her heart crashed against her ribs, a new, undefined emotion surging up within her. One that promised to shine as brightly as the stars above them. 


	11. Quality time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elluin and Solas share a lovely moment together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last prompt for #storiesofthedas on Twitter.

Heavy, black clouds gathered on the skies above the Emerald Grave, hiding away the light of the full moon and the stars. Cruising thunder rumbled, promising heavy rain. Lighting joined, zig-zagging onto the night's sky, threatening every living creature with its might. The flashes lit up the skies and painted abstract figures on the gloomy canvas. The wind shrieked, shaking the trees, yanking their leaves in its anger. Rain followed, heavy drops colliding with the dusty ground. Soon, it turned into a living fabric, as it poured from the skies. The rainstorm washed down every walking path, every nook and cranny, transforming every trip out into a dangerous adventure.

The rain caught in its path many beings, including the Inquisitor and her small party, on their way to Watcher's Reach camp, to find Fairbanks. At first, the Inquisitor encouraged them to push through the storm, her magic and Solas' keeping everyone safe from the rain. But as the wind caught power and their mana exhausted, Elluin gave up, overpowered by the force of nature, and agreed to set camp. They hardly had any strength to assemble the tents, the wind making their task difficult. After fifteen minutes of struggle, two tents shook under the wind's force, one for Cassandra and Varric and one for Elluin and Solas.

Inside one of them, Elluin sat on the ground and stared at the top of the tent, eyebrows knitted together. She listened to the rain beating against it, sucking on her teeth.

"Does the rain bother you, Vhenan?" Solas inquired, his eyes leaving the pages of a book spread across his knees, to search Elluin's face.

Elluin shook her head, her gaze fixed on the tent. "The wind's strength bothers me. I don't know if the tents can take it. Do you know any protection spells against it?" she shifted her gaze to Solas, eyes full with hope.

"I do not know any spells like that, sadly. I believe the tents can withstand it. Besides, you should rest. We had a long day."

She crawled on her hands and knees to sit next to him, their shoulders touching. "I can't, Solas. This rain won't let me sleep. Not to mention I don't like we haven't set a watch. No one is paying attention. What if we get attacked by bandits? This area is known for the numerous bandit gangs."

Solas wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, his fingers playing with the material of her blouse. She giggled, her sensitive skin prickling at the contact.

"No one will come tonight. The rain will keep even the bandits inside," Solas patiently replied.

"That's what they want you to think. I got attacked by thieves on a night exactly like this?"

"Is that so?" he now played with her hair, his long fingers wrapping around her curls. He watched her as she talked, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips, his eyes drinking her in.

"Yes! It happened when I traveled with my father. The bandits attacked us in the middle of the night. My father didn't go to sleep and woke me as soon as he heard them. If it wasn't for him, we might have died that night. I can't risk it!" she commented, her voice rising a notch.

"I see. I understand your worry, my Heart, but this time, you are not alone, just with your father. I made sure to set wards as you and the others set up the tents. If anyone gets close to us, I will know."

She looked up at him, eyes widened in amazement. "You did that? Oh, Solas, thank you so much, I forgot to do it. You're my knight in shining armour; I don't know what I would do without you. You're my saviour," her voice cracked with amusement as she shouted those words. She kissed his cheek, smacking her lips against his skin, the force of the gesture forcing Solas to lean on his right hand, the book slipping from his legs.

Solas laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. The sound of his laughter hung in the air like a wondrous melody; a melody that played with the strings of her heart. Everyone knew Solas for his chuckles and snorts, but not for his laughter. He gave warm smiles when the situation asked for it, his polite and calm demeanour matching with those smiles, but people seldom heard the sound of his laugh.

Elluin heard him laugh four times since they met and every time her mind blocked any surrounding noise, her heart pounded against her chest and her breath shortened. It was as if the world stopped moving and nothing besides him and his happiness existed in those moments.

And now, she stared at him with awestruck mesmerisation. The beauty of the moment erased her worry for rain and bandits from her mind. She sighed, glad he allowed her to witness him and his happiness with no barriers or masks between them.

"You would have done perfectly well without me, as you did all those years before we met and I--," he paused, catching the swift shift in her expression. "Have I said something wrong, Vhenan?"

"Hmm?" she shook her head to shake away the dizziness. "No, not at all. I got lost in thought, that's all."

"Oh? What about?"

Elluin giggled and cleared her throat, becoming increasingly aware of the heat spreading on her cheeks. "I thought about how beautiful you look when you smile."

"I am beautiful when I smile?" he asked, an earnest curiosity in his voice.

"Yes," She got up from her spot and crawled on her knees and hands again. She reached for the discarded book on the ground, next to his other leg. Solas turned his head to follow her movement, his gaze never leaving hers, but she looked down to escape his searching glances.

She closed the book, brushed the dust smeared on the covers, and squeezed it against her chest. When she spoke, her voice came out as a whisper. "When you laugh, the permanent melancholy in your eyes fades, and you look much younger. As if all the weight you carry on your shoulders disappeared and the word is perfect again. I like that. I like seeing you happy, and it makes me happy.

"Is that so?" he murmured, the unusual tenderness in his voice encouraging Elluin to search his gaze.

"Yeah. And your laugh made me realise I love you. Back then, in Haven, you laughed at one of my silly jokes and," she stopped, a grin illuminating her face. "I felt the whole world change."

He chuckled and turned to face her fully. His hand rushed to her face, fingers brushing away the bouncy curls. He cupped her reddened cheek, his thumb lightly caressing the freckled kiss skin. "Maybe I should laugh more if that makes you happy," he concluded, his breath shortened. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on hers.

"No," she quickly responded, making Solas' thrust his head back and frown at her. She lifted one hand from her chest, palm up in defence. "Wait, not like that, no. What I mean is, I don't want you to force yourself to do stuff because of me. I don't want you to pretend and laugh more because it makes me happy.

"I love you as you are. I love you even if you wear that melancholy wrapped around your body as if it's a shield against everyone and everything. I love you when you act like a know it all old man. I love you when you snort and laugh and sigh. I even love you when you get angry. Yes, you look beautiful when you smile, and it makes my heart skip a few beats, but I don't want you to change," she gripped his arm and shook him. "I want you to know, no, to understand, that no matter what, I will always love you. You are my love, and no matter what the future holds for us, my feelings for you will not waver. Even if you stop laughing."

Silence fell over them, as Solas gave no reply. His gaze drifted over her face as if he wanted to memorise every line of her figure. A hesitant smile formed at the edges of his lips, and his hand dropped from her face. He glanced at a point above her head, eyes growing glassy.

"I do not deserve you," he eventually said, his voice thick with remorse.

"Don't be silly, Solas," she huffed and grabbed his face with her hands, squeezing his cheeks. "You deserve me, and I deserve you. I know you have a knack for drama, but there isn't anything dramatic in two adults loving each other."

He opened his mouth to reply, but Elluin closed the distance between them and kissed him warmly. He pulled her tight, deepening the kiss. The corners of the book she still clenched at her chest stabbed their skin, but both failed to notice. His hand slipped into her hair, his fingers tangling in the curls. They broke the kiss, puffing, their breath shortened.

"I love you, Elluin," he murmured, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"Oh, I know that my love," a grin blooming on her lips. "You love me so much because I shook your impression of the world."

He lifted his head and watched her; his eyebrows raised questioningly. But Elluin laughed at his expression and slapped his shoulder.

"I'm joking. I'm joking. I don't --- "a big yawn stopped her in her tracks, and she fought to stifle it. "Sorry about that."

"Nothing to apologise for. You are tired, and you should sleep, Vhenan. Tomorrow will be a long day."

"I guess," she shrugged, fighting another yawn. But before that, do you mind reading to me from this book for a bit? I forgot my reading glasses at Skyhold," she asked, pointing at the book she held. "I'm curious to see what Lady Simon Therese has to say about Orlesian art.

"My pleasure. I believe this book will make you fall asleep sleep quite fast."

"Oh Solas, I'm sure isn't that bad," she snorted as she moved her bedroll close to Solas.'

"You shall see."

He joined her on the bedroll and pulled her closer to him, her head resting on his chest. He planted a kiss on her hair and opened the book to read, his Elvhen sight helping him see in the dark. Elluin's breath softened as the smooth voice of her lover lulled her to sleep.

Solas watched her, dozens of thoughts spinning in his mind until he couldn't ignore the gentle tug of the Fade. In there, away from the nagging pull of reality, he found her again. Under the green light, he embraced her and whispered in her hair the words he could not utter while awake.


	12. Campfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elluin Lavellan and Varric have a heart-to-heart conversation about what it means to share the burden of responsibility.

A shiver rippled over Varric's skin at the sudden gust of cold wind, the dying small campfire failing to keep him warm. He sighed, wondering why he agreed to stay with the Inquisition, the long trips through woods, mountains and plains exhausting him. In moments like this, when the lack of comfort affected his morale, he wished he was back in Kirkwall with Hawke and her friends, enjoying a cold beer at the tavern and making up stories. Instead, he stood on a wood log, his butt still hurting from the long hours of riding, his stiff back begging him for a hot bath and a massage. His clothes weren't fit for the long days of travel, his cotton shirts and pants doing little to protect him against the capricious weather. 

He huffed, shoving a stick in the fire, hoping it would bring it back to life, but he only succeeded in putting it off. "Great," he mumbled, crossing his arms before his chest, his warm breath fogging in the air. "I'll freeze until someone wakes up. Why is it so damn cold?" 

He raised his eyes to watch the sky in an attempt to forget about the situation he found himself in, only to be greeted by the sight of the Breach, swirling and twisting above them like a silent threat, ready to swallow the whole world. Instead of making him feel better, the hair on the nape of his neck rose, and his muscles spasmed as if readying him to flee from a dangerous enemy before it got the change to attack him. 

His lips slightly parted, his fingernails digging into the log as fear slowly crawled into his mind. How were they supposed to close it when none of them had any idea how it happened? When the only one who barely understood it was a suspicious elf who came out of nowhere, offering his help? The fate of the world stood on the shoulders of a few heretics who got dragged into this mess, with little to no support from the ones who should have dealt with it. His breath hitched in his throat at those thoughts, anxiety hovering above him.

The noise of the tent's flap opening startled him, and he almost jumped in place. He swiftly turned in the direction of the sound, curious to see who woke up this early in the morning. 

The Herald left the tent yawning and scratching her wild curly hair. He frowned, noticing the unusual dark circles surrounding her eyes and the tiredness written on her face. Exhaustion shrouded her, and it slowly turned her from the laid back, always ready to joke elf to a snappy person, ready to fight at the slightest misunderstanding. This sudden change worried him, for it wasn't the first time he saw this transformation. 

"Morning, Sparks," he greeted her with a broad smile on his face. 

She acknowledged his comment with a tilt of her head and continued her morning routine, stretching her arms and legs until her joints stopped popping. After a few more minutes of light exercises, she finally joined him, creasing her nose at the cold, half-burned wood. With a swift flick of her hand, the fire took shape again, dancing lively and consuming the wood in a few seconds.

"You don't need wood to keep it burning?" he asked, leaning forwards and outstretching his arms to warm his palms over the fire. 

"No," she shrugged, flicking her wrist again, the fire blazing even brighter. She sat on a log next to him to warm herself. "I don't need any wood to sustain it. As long as I have mana, it will burn." 

He hummed, cocking his eyebrow at her explanation. Magical explanations always confused him and brought even more questions to his mind. In the end, it only mattered that the fire slowly warmed him, and the mage casting the spell was on his side.

"You're up early," he spoke as casually as he could after a few minutes of sitting in total silence.

She shrugged, wiggling her fingers, the campfire slithering in the rhythm of her hand movements. "Yeah. It happens."

"Been happening to you often. Are you getting enough sleep?"

She eyed him, pursing her lips into a thin line. "Are you monitoring my health? I thought Solas was supposed to do that."

He shuffled his legs uneasy, sensing the hint of annoyance in her voice. "Chuckles isn't the only one who's worried for you."

"Worried for me? Why?"

"You've been acting strange lately, randomly snapping at us. Just wondering if you're alright."

Her nostrils flared, and the fire suddenly sizzled, its flames growing bigger. He quickly pulled his arms back, raising an eyebrow at her. "See! This is what I mean."

"I'm sorry!" she apologised, squeezing her fingers into a fist and hiding them in the pockets of her trousers. "Are you all right?"

He waved his hand in dismissal, shaking his head at her. "It's fine. You didn't hurt me. But something's going on with you."

She ran one hand through her curls, a finger getting stuck into a hair knot. She yanked on it, her jaw tensing. With another yank, she released her finger only to clasp her hands in her lap. When she spoke again, he could hear the tension in her voice. "I haven't got enough sleep lately. "

"Nightmares?"

She nodded. "Yes. How did you know?" 

He gave her a small, sad smile, stretching his hands again as the flames shrunk to a safe level. He stared at it, his eyes glassy with the memories of the past. "I've seen this look before, Sparks. You're not the only one hunted by nightmares. How bad is it?" 

She stared into the fire, her eyebrows furrowed into a deep crease. "Bad. I've had them for almost two weeks. I barely get enough sleep to function at day."

He contemplated her face, noticing how the bags under her eyes turned purple, the whites of her eyes bloodshot and how her usually rose cheeks caught a sickly pallor, a few spider veins showing through the paleness of her cheek. 

"I think Chuckles can help you with this since he's the expert in the Fade and the stuff you mages dream at night." 

She snorted, glancing at him. "And how do you know that?" 

"I've heard a few of your conversations. Can't he do a spell to drive your nightmare away?"

She bit on her lower lip. "I think so, yes. But I'm not going to ask for his help."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Look, I know you two have your differences, but you're not looking that good, Sparks. And he can help you. He won't say no to you."

A few months ago, this suggestion would have gained him a huff from the Herald, but now she nodded solemnly, without commenting on how annoying Solas was. He found it amusing how quickly they became friends, and he had a hunch this friendship might slowly turn into something else. 

"We've solved our differences, Varric," she confirmed, staring down at her feet, deep in thought. "I know he'd help me. I just don't want to burden him with my problems."

He admired Lavellan's stubbornness and eagerness to stick to her moral ideas, but, at this moment, he had to suppress his need to roll his eyes at her comment.

"You won't burden him. It's his duty to take care of you. You hold the key to the safety of this world in your hand. You have to stay healthy, or else we're doomed."

She straightened her back, a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth. "So my health matters only because I'm bearing the Mark. Is that what you're trying to say?"

He sighed deeply and scowled at her knowing very well she tried to change the subject by bringing this up. "No. But your health is affected by this Mark, and we're here to help you."

"Well, I don't need your help," she barked, the fire blazing strongly again but, this time, her outburst did not impress him. 

He spread his arms wide, drawing in a long breath, readying himself for the confrontation. "Look, Sparks. I get it. You don't like to talk about your feelings. You've been dealing with stuff alone since you left your Clan. But those things were simple, compared with what you have to do now. You're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You need someone to talk with."

"No. I don't," she fumed, rubbing her temples, her skin turning red under her fingers. "I can deal with this alone."

He threw his hands up in frustration at her words, "No, you can't. Your fears won't let you sleep, and you need to talk about this. Before the bitterness and anger take control of you." 

He could hear his blood pumping, her stubbornness giving him a headache. He took a deep breath in again to calm himself, but his heart still banged against his chest. 

She jolted to her feet, balling her hands into fists. "Why do you care anyway? Isn't it like my lack of sleep is hurting you."

The question finally brought an end to his patience, and he found himself shouting, all of his worries making themselves heard." "Because one day, your anger will explode, and you will hurt everyone around you!" 

She opened her mouth to speak, but no word came. She dropped back on the log, bowing her head. When she spoke again, her voice quivered. "I...would never think of hurting any of you."

His anger immediately dispersed, hearing the pain in her voice. He felt ashamed by his outburst, but the thought of her succumbing to her rage and fears made him realise he was right. He made the mistake of acting gently and carefully with Anders when he noticed the changes in him but never pushed him to seek help. He promised himself he won't make that mistake ever again, even if it meant shouting at the ones he cared about. 

He reached for her shoulder, and she jerked under his touch but relaxed as he gave her a squeeze. She kept her head down, avoiding his eyes.

"I know, Sparks, I know," he spoke again, this time his voice softening, and he hoped she understood how much he cared about her and her well-being. And not only because she wore that cursed Mark but because he saw her as a friend. "But if you let your anger and fear build-up, it will happen. I've already seen that once. I don't want you to end up like that."

"You really think I should talk with Solas? she asked, her voice just a whisper. She fidgeted with the rim of her blouse, wrapping it around her fingers.

"Yes. And if he won't help you, I'm here if you need to talk. I can't take your nightmares away, but I can listen. You're not alone." 

When looked at him again, he saw tears forming at the corner of her eyes, but she quickly raised her hand and wiped them away. "I'll speak with Solas later. Thank you."

"It's fine, Sparks. Sometimes it's easy to forget others care about us. 

She rubbed her nose, sniffing loudly. "Kids learn only when you shout at them, right?" 

He chuckled softly and released her shoulder. "Right." 

They sat in silence for a few seconds, and before he could say anything, she got up again, but this time, her face showed no signs of anger. "I'll go get some wood for the fire." 

He nodded at her, relief washing over him. "All right. I'll stay here."

She hummed in acknowledgement and strolled towards the forest. He watched her as she dragged her feet through the dust, head down, shoulders slumped, and he shook his head. He did the right thing by staying with the Inquisition because even heroes need a friendly shoulder to cry on.

  
  



	13. Seducer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My take on the prompt "Seducer" for Stories Of Thedas 2.

Countless couples swung in unison as they followed the music, the Orlesian orchestra singing their notes in perfect synchronisation. Ellun tapped her leg in its rhythm and studied the enormous dance hall of the Winter Palace, its beauty mesmerising her. The white marble of the floors glimmered under the gentle touch of the candelabra's light, shrouding the dancers into a dream-like haze. Niched statues adorned the walls, their faces carved to perfection. The Palace left her speechless with its beauty and elegance, the opulence making her feel out of place, even if an expensive dress hugged her body, with the intricate coiffure that brought many jealous glances from the guests.

When the night began, they called her a wildling, staring at the Vallaslin on her face and rolling their eyes at her loud voice but slowly they became intrigued by her words and gestures and by midnight, men and women flocked around her, eager to dance and exchange stories with her. She accepted every single invitation, unaware her toes slowly started to swell in her bright blue high heeled shoes. Now, after four hours of dancing, chatting and mingling with the guests, her body ached, and her stomach grumbled at her decision to refuse food, afraid she would stain her dress and make a fool out of herself. 

She took a sip of wine from a crystal glass in an attempt to stop her stomach from protesting, her eyes searching for Solas, but he was nowhere to be seen. She sighed, her breath steaming the glass, wishing he could have joined her tonight. 

As she watched the couples dancing, the desire to feel his hands around her waist as they slowly moved in the rhythm of the music nagged her, but no matter how much she wanted that, it was impossible. Josephine advised her to keep her distance from Solas tonight, warning her about the danger of being seen together with an apostate and the scandal it would bring.

She huffed, tensing her jaw, thinking about how amusing it was everyone forgot she was an apostate too before the Inquisitor's role was thrown at her. For the first time in her life, she enjoyed the atmosphere of a fancy party, but her political persona forbade her to spend a dream-like night with the man she loved. 

"Inquisitor, here you are," a man suddenly spoke, his booming voice startling her, the glass dangerously dangling in her hand and threatening to destroy her dress. The man laughed at her distress and reached for her drink to settle it down on the table next to him. 

"I apologise for startling you, my lady," he bowed before her, offering a bright, lazy smile. "It was not my intention." 

Elluin strengthened her back, recomposing herself in an attempt to look both elegant and imposing (as Josephine reminded her once every hour). She beamed at him, the mask of beauty and joy slipping back on her face. "You did no harm, Ser. The beauty of the music distracted me." 

His golden mask sparkled as he cocked his head at her. "Is that so? I did not know an elf could appreciate the fine Orlesian music. How fascinating." 

Her smile grew even brighter, her teeth showing, but her eyes turned cold. She could hear Josephine in her head, warning her to behave and not lash at the man in front of her. His exquisite looking clothes, adorned with intricate patterns, made her realise he might hold a higher status in the Orlesian society and telling him to fuck off might get her in trouble. 

Instead, she chose to smile at him while wishing he would choke with his own saliva at night. "Yes. My dear Ambassador taught me everything there is to know about Orlesian music," she said, nonchalantly lying to the man. She had had the chance to learn and appreciate Orlesian music in all those years she lived in Val Royeaux with her adoptive father, but she had no desire to share that personal fact with him.

"Ah, I see. Your Ambassador did well. But I am not here to conversate about music but to dance. Will you join me, your Worship?" he bowed again, extending his hand in front of her, wiggling his fingers. Ten people or more watched their conversation, listening and judging every word and gesture. Instantly, she knew she had no choice but to accept the man's invitation, even if her knees painfully protested.

"It will be my pleasure," she accepted, forcing herself to sound enthusiastic. All she wanted now was to sit on a chair and vigorously rub her feet.

The man grabbed her hand and yanked her towards him, his other hand slipping around her waist. Her muscles instantly tightened at the touch, and she stifled the need to push the man away. 

The melody changed into a slow tempo, and she cursed her luck as they reached the dancing zone. One of his hands went for her hip, and the other rested on her back. She softly sighed again, wishing Solas held her and not the 

"Are you upset, Inquisitor?" he suddenly asked, as they slowly swang on the music.  
A charming smile grew on his lips, curiosity sparking in his eyes. 

She answered his smile with another smile and shook her head. "No, not at all."

He chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "I do hope you are not too exhausted. Many people are waiting for the pleasure to dance with you. They would be truly disappointed."

A whimper almost escaped her throat, hearing his words, fearing for the health of her legs. Instead, she gave him a surprised look. "Really?"

He nodded solemnly, slowly leading her away from the dancing couples. "Indeed. Trust me when I say it, everyone here is fascinated by you." 

A small frown grew on her face at his words, wondering if he decided to dance with her just to let her know that. She quickly changed her expression, the smile returning on her lips. "Is that so? I had the impression everyone here saw me as a wildling." 

The man threw his head back and laughed. A few dancers turned their attention to the sudden, loud noise, and she could feel a blush creeping on her face, unaccustomed with all the eyes staring at her.

"Oh, my dear, you are a delight, so fresh and ready to jump to a conclusion," he leaned forward to whisper, his words bare audible even as his lips moved against her ear. "The Orlesian court can hate you for a minute just to love you in the other, and at this moment, they adore you. You are quite the seducer." 

She jerked her head back, taken aback by his words. She searched his face for any trace of irony or deception, but the man continued to smile at her, his eyes shining with delight. She blinked at him, confusion written on her face. She has been called many things in her life but never a seducer. 

"You are surprised, I see. But you should not be. Because of your status and beauty, many desire your favours. And I am one of the many," he purred, his hand squeezing her waist.

Her eyes widen, lips parting in surprise. They stopped dancing, but his hands still rested on her. She waited for him to continue, too surprised to say something. 

"I have been watching you tonight, Inquisitor. And I have noticed you never danced with a man more than once. It made me wonder if your heart may belong to no one?"

His eyes sparkled with desire, his cheerful smile turning into a flirtatious smile. One she saw on Solas' lips when he flirted with her. 

She opened her mouth a few times to speak, a few undesirable words leaving her lips. Before she could recover herself, the man took her hands in his. He slowly stroked her palms and spoke again, his voice soft. "I believe I am in love with you, Inquisitor. You took my breath away the first moment you set foot in this place. If you have no one, would you accept my heart?"

She took a step back, pulling her hands away from his. She exhaled loudly, shaking her head. Josephine warned her about many things, but this was not one of them. 

"Ah, I see," he spoke again, his shoulders dropping alongside with his smile. "My observations were wrong."

She tried to run her hand through her hair as she always did in strange situations but stopped at the last second before destroying her coiffure. "Look, you just met me; how can you be so sure I'm not with someone?" 

Instantly, she regretted her words as the man frowned curiously at her. "I'm sorry for giving you this impression, but I'm not here to mingle like this. I am the Inquisitor. I don't have the time for love.

She almost laughed at the lie leaving her lips. She was deeply in love with Solas, and nothing could stop her from loving him, not even the end of the word. But the man in front of her did not know that.

"And I don't know how it goes for you, Orlesians," she spat, unable to contain herself. "But I need time to know you better before engaging in a relationship."

"Is that so?" he asked, the curiosity in his voice confusing her. "Is this an elf custom?

"What? No! That's how--" she stopped, pinching the bridge of her nose, afraid she won't be able to stop herself if she continued talking." No. Doesn't matter; you won't understand." 

The man blinked at her as if she spoke in a foreign language. The bewildered look on his face made it clear her words had no chance of reaching him.

She shook her head at him. "I should get going. Thank you for dancing with me," she left the man, in a hurry to put some distance between them before he got the chance to say more. A wave of heat passed through her body, embarrassed by how she dealt with the man's proposal. She laughed bitterly, convinced the man didn't see her as a seducer anymore. In a few hours, every guest will learn about this. 

She moved quickly, dodging everyone, as she desperately searched the hallways for a private space where she could spend a few minutes alone, in total silence, with no one to bother her. She needed a few moments to rub her feet before they began bleeding. 

She found a small storage room at the end of a hallway, with boxes stacked neatly against the wall and slipped inside, forgetting to close the door. She sat on a wooden box, careful not to ruin her dress. With a groan, she took off her shoes and whimpered at the sight of her irritated, red skin. When her bare feet touched the floor, a small moan escaped her lips, the coldness of the floor calming the throbbing pain.

"What a lovely place to hide, Inquisitor."

She yelped at the voice and jumped back on her feet, terrified someone found her even here. She relaxed as she recognised the silhouette of the one who spoke. 

"Solas! You scared the soul out of me," she plopped down on the crate, shaking her head. "I thought you were another one of them."

He closed the door behind him and joined her, sitting on a crate in front of her. He watched her with a small smile while holding a plate with two eclairs in his hand. "I see you have been enjoying the music," he chimed in, nodding towards her feet. 

"I don't have a choice," she pouted. "It feels like I've danced with every man and woman here," she paused, peering carefully at him, measuring his reaction. "Except you."

He hummed, his mouth too full with the eclair to speak. She shook her head at him, giggling at his eagerness to eat the sweets. Slowly, she slipped her feet back in the shoes, the pain returning. 

"This one is for you," he pointed at the remaining eclair, offering it to her. 

She eyed it, unsure if she should take it or not, but hunger finally won. She took it, abandoning the plate on the floor and shoved half of the eclair in her mouth, another moan escaping her lips. 

They sat in silence, chewing their food, the music from the ballroom coming muffled through the door. She took a few minutes to admire his clothes, the black of his robes emphasising the purple flakes of his eyes. He looked relaxed and content as if he ate eclairs in a storage room every day. 

"Did something happen between you and that Orlesian man?" he asked a few minutes later. "He seemed quite astonished after you left him."

She stared at him for a few moments, scrambling to search for the right words. Finally, she cleared her throat and spoke again, not quite looking at him. 

"Ah, that. Well, he asked me to dance with him. It went nicely, and I didn't step on his toes, if that's what you wonder," she gave him a small smile and stopped, too embarrassed to continue.

"But?" he watched her face, a smirk growing on his lips. 

"He said everyone here likes me and wants my favours. Then he called me a seducer and asked me out."

A corner of his mouth lifted, his eyes glinting with curiosity. "Is that so. And what did you do?"

She huffed at his question, surprised he asked that. "I said no, Solas. Do you think I'd accept his proposal?" 

"No, of course not." 

He looked up at the ceiling avoiding her eyes and playing with his fingers in his lap.

She crossed her arms across her chest, staring at him, unsure if she should press the matter of him asking that stupid question. Did he actually believe a pompous noble would change her mind so quickly and make her forget about the love she had for him?

"He is right, although," he whispered.

She cocked her head at him. "About what.?"

"About you being a seducer," he murmured in a honeyed voice, the corners of his mouth turned up. This time he looked at her, his eyes drinking her in.

A flush crept up her face, and she giggled, waving her hand in dismissal. "What?Me, a seducer? Are you sure we're thinking about the same person, Solas? Just because I'm wearing a fancy dress doesn't mean I'm a seducer."

"Ah, but you see, Vhenan, one does not need expensive clothes to successfully seduce the other. The poor man had no chance of resisting you." 

His eyes slowly moved over her, as if taking in every line of her body, the flare in his gaze sending a rush of heat all over her body. Her mouth dried, and she swallowed hard, waiting for him to move.

Before they had any chance to react, a gong rang, startling both of them. Solas scrambled to his feet before the rang stopped and turned away from her, but she did not miss the red staining his cheeks. 

"We should get going." 

He rushed towards the door without looking back at her. She scoffed and hurried to catch him before he could run off in the crowd. Her curiosity peaked at his reaction, one she never expected to see.

"Wait, what did you mean by that?" she grabbed the rim of his sleeve as they reached the empty hallway. "Did I seduce you?" she grinned at him, her heart swelling with pride at the idea. 

"Inquisitor!" Josephine's voice echoed off the castle's high walls, giving Solas' the chance to put more distance between them. He took off, nodding at the Ambassador, turning at the next corner and disappearing from her view. She shut her eyes tightly, a growl escaping her throat, forcing herself not to snap at Josephine for interrupting them. 

"All is well, Inquisitor?" Josephine asked, eyeing her face.

"Yes," she sighed, defeated. She offered her a small smile. "You need me for something, right?"

Josephine nodded. "Indeed. I want you to meet Lady Mantillon. She is a member of the Council of Heralds, and she is eager to meet you."

She hummed and gestured to her to lead the way. The mental mask of the Inquisitor slipped on her face again as she readied herself for a dull conversation, but she couldn't stop the small smug smile slipping on her lips. She was a seducer.


	14. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt for storiesofthedas2. 
> 
> This time, Elluin and Solas share a moment to speak and learn about healing magic. Set at the beginning of the Inquistion.

A swear escaped Elluin's lips as the healing magic sizzled at her fingertips, failing to heal the superficial cuts on her other hand; cuts she acquired while helping Blackwall carry the firewood necessary to keep the campfire burning. Usually, the small scratches rarely bothered her, but today, they proved to be the perfect medium for practising healing spells. 

She never understood healing magic. No matter how much her Hahren taught her about the connection with the Fade and told her to open her heart to the benevolent spirits, the energy was never enough to heal even the smallest wounds. In her years of honing her skills, the primal magic came easy to her, and she slowly became a master at taming the blazing flames of the Fade. After years of trying and failing to cultivate the healing magic, she gave up on it, making sure to buy enough healing potions or to hire a healer to accompany her in her travels. 

It all changed after the Breach suddenly threatened to swallow the whole world, the only tool able to stop it stuck to her left hand. The circumstances brought more dangers than she ever faced before, demons, red templars, bandits and fanatics threatening her at every step. While a few truly skilled healers joined the Inquisition and proved their worth, she disliked the idea of putting her life in their hands.

For almost two weeks, she trained herself to connect with the spirits of the Fade and call for their help, but no matter how much she tried, their whispers and energy barely reached her through the Veil, and today was no different. 

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes, trying her best not to let frustration and annoyance take over her and scare the spirits away as a few of them pressed on the Veil, attempting to connect with her. Slowly, the noises of the forest faded away, the sound of her breath soothing her mind, a deep state of calmness shrouding her soul. The whisper of the spirit became more evident, and, with another deep inhale, she allowed the energy of the Fade to flow through her.

Suddenly, the sound of snapping twigs resounded in the silence of the forest, and she snapped her eyes opened, afraid an enemy or a wild animal found her. The noise grew louder and louder, and she readied herself, body taut, hands wrapped around her short stuff. 

She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose as she saw the `threat` approaching her: Solas. She plopped back on the ground, abandoning her staff next to her right leg and bit her lip in frustration at the interruption.

Solas strolled towards her, more twigs snapping beneath his bare feet. Her eye twitched at the noise, his presence already annoying her. She squeezed her eyes shut, the memory of the promise she made to Cassandra to try and get along with him resounding in her head. Even after two months of working together, the tension between them still lingered—a constant reminder of how different they were.

As he stopped in front of her, she opened her eyes, staring at his bare feet. "What?" she snapped before she could stop herself. 

"The Seeker is looking for you, Herald," he answered in his usual calm manner. "You have been away for too long, and she is worried about you." 

She jerked her head up to look at him, only to be greeted by a pleasant smile. He patiently watched her, one hand behind his behind his back, the other gripping his staff, as if they were enjoying a picnic and weren't in the middle of a wild forest. "I left because I wanted to be alone. I made sure no one would find me. But you did." 

He nodded. "Indeed."

She crossed her arms before her chest, curious and annoyed he was able to track her, even if she considered herself an expert at hiding her presence. "How?"

He shrugged, leaning on his long staff. "I followed your magic."

The nonchalance in his voice frustrated her, for he spoke of skills she read about in books and never met a mage capable of it until now. Following a mage by sensing their magic was a rare ability, possessed only by a somniari. A twinge of envy passed through her as she eyed him curiously. 

"My magic? What do you mean?" she feigned ignorance, curious to see if he would share that knowledge with her.

He quickly switched his staff from a hand to another, his fingers gently tapping its surface. "I felt your essence struggling to reach the spirit keen to help you. The spirit of Love is eager to share with you their healing energy, but you cannot completely connect with them. I felt your frustration and theirs." 

She jolted on her feet, excitement pouring over her at his words. No matter how much she disagreed with his views about various topics, his experience with magic always spiked her curiosity. At first, she tried to stifle that excitement, but her desire to know more shattered her stubbornness.

"You can do that? I had no idea that's possible! How?"

He softly chuckled, the corners of his lips rising into a small smile. "I have trained for many years to sense the smallest shifts in the Veil. It has become my second nature." 

She frowned at him, aware of the evasiveness in his answer, but she didn't press the matter. Every mage had a personal, intimate connection with the Fade, and if he hesitated to share it with her she had no right to ask for more details. Even if her thirst for knowledge pushed her to ask for more. 

She gazed at the ground, kicking a small stone and sending it flying a few meters away. The rock hit a tree, the dull noise resounding in the quietness of the forest.

"Wait," she spoke again as a new thought arose in her mind. "You said a spirit of Love is trying to lend me their power?" 

He nodded and looked up at the sky. "Yes. The poor spirit is quite frustrated with you. They can hear you, but they do not understand how to push their energy through the barrier you have raised around yourself." 

Guilt coursed through her at his words. Spirits could easily be corrupted and twisted by the mages' thoughts, especially when they had little experience. As she did with the healing magic. Usually, rage demons visited her and whispered words of anger at her ear, but she borrowed the power from them, with no fear of hurting them. Benevolent spirits were easy to corrupt and twisted, and she had no wish to do that.

"Are they all right? I don't want to hurt them with my ignorance. I had no idea a spirit of Love sent me their energy. I can't feel them as you do."

His attention switched from the sky to her, a faint frown on his face. He stared into her eyes for a few seconds as if trying to read her thoughts. She shuffled in place, unaccustomed with his attention. "The spirit is well. They are quite intrigued by you but baffled by your resistance."

She tensed, turning her eyes away from him and raked her fingers through her hair. "What kind of resistance, Solas? I'm trying my best to allow the energy from the Fade to flow through me. I've been at it for two weeks, and nothing happened. "

He nodded and spoke with patience and calm, contrasting with her visible frustration. "I understand, Herald. But every mage has a weak spot. Even myself."

She rolled her eyes at the last two words, his unwavering confidence in his skills mildly annoying her. For a mage who studied alone, with no one to point his mistakes in his casting, he was too sure of himself.

" For example," he continued, unaware of her growing impatience. "In the last year, I have been finding it hard to cast fire spells as you do. It seems I have difficulties connecting with my—"

"With your inner rage!' she intervened, a smirk plastered on her face. The thought she was much better than him at casting fire magic brought her a bit of reassurance.

He smacked his lips and fixed her with a gimlet eye. "You can put it like that, yes."

She stuck her hands in the pockets of her trousers, rocking on the balls of her feet, the mask of casual amusement slipping on her face." I have no problems with that."

"Good for you, Herald."

Her grin grew wider at his squint, but her desire to learn pushed away from the need to annoy him even more. She dropped her smile, seriousness returning to her voice. "Do you know any techniques to connect with the spirit?

"Yes."

"Can you show me?"

"You want to learn how to connect with the spirit?" his forehead creased at her words, his eyes studying her face.

"Yes, Solas, why do you think I've been trying for two weeks?"she bit her lip, cursing her hastiness. Her rash behaviour pushed away many teachers, and Solas had no reason to accept her words. Her shoulders dropped, disappointment already shrouding her.

"Ah, of course. I can teach you if that is what you want."

"Really?" she shouted, her booming voice scaring a few birds from their trees. "I mean, yes, that's what I want! And in exchange, I can remind you how to connect with your inner rage."

He hummed, nodding at her. "I see. A fair exchange. Shall we then?"

"Right now?"

"Of course," he said and sat on the ground, barely paying mind to his clothes. He sat crossed-legged, his staff resting on his knee, and he gestured at her to join him. "You chose the proper location. Nothing will disturb you here."

She joined him on the cold ground, imitating his pose. The wet, dead leaves stuck to the material of her pants, but she ignored them. She gripped the staff with both of her hands to ready herself. "All right," she continued, forcing herself to hide the excitement from her voice. "Tell me what I should do."

He nodded, raising his eyes again towards the sky as if its sight helped him concentrate. When he spoke again, his words flowed with an easiness she rarely saw at others. "Every spirit reacts to a specific energy. To connect with one, a mage has to understand their energy first. As I said, the spirit trying to connect with you is a spirit of Love. The only way for their energy to pass freely through the mental barrier you have set around yourself is to imitate their essence."

"Right," she sighed, shaking her head at him." Let me guess, I have to think about love while borrowing the healing power from them?"

From all the spirits she could attract, it had to be a Love spirit. Precisely the sentiment she had troubles understanding. Amusing how fate always found a way to challenge her. 

"Yes. For their healing essence to pass the Veil, you have to imitate their energy. You also have to be careful not to corrupt them."

A shiver passed through the body at the thought of corrupting a spirit. Even if benevolent and aggressive entities were part of the natural life cycle in the Fade, helpful spirits were rare to find and their nature easily tainted. She didn't wish to bear the guilt of corrupting a spirit eager to help her.

"Oh, that's a good point. I don't want to corrupt any spirits. How do I avoid that?"

He gave her a small smile, and as if grateful she cared about the fate of a spirit. "Simple. Think of a loved one. Someone who offered you love. Pure love. Be careful with your choice. Love can be dangerous and poisoning. Choose a real, untainted moment that fills you with the purest sentiment.

She nodded, closing her eyes and searching for a pure memory of a loved one. Silence fell between them as memories shuffled through her mind. She fidgeted with her staff, unsure of what moment to concentrate on. A few memories of her lovers passed through her mind, but all of them contained a drop of lust or anger. Those could easily corrupt the poor spirit.

Suddenly, the answer came to her. She gasped at the realisation of the only person who showed her pure love: her adoptive father. The only one who she truly loved, the only person who accepted and cared for her, no matter what she did and said. 

"I think I found the one," she let him know, her voice but a whisper.

"Good. Now, immerse yourself in the last memory with them. Who are they? When did you meet them the last time? What did you do?"

"I'm thinking about my father. The last time I saw him was ten years ago."

Sheflinched as she realised Solas didn't need to know this information. He was guiding her, and there was no need to share anything with him.

"I see," he spoke again after a few seconds, a taint of pity in his voice. "My condolences."

She almost opened her mouth to ask how he knew he was dead, but she stopped. Many people died ten years ago in the Blight, and it was easy to guess what happened. 

"Immerse yourself in the love you hold for your father. Remember the love you carry for him. Let it flood your senses, your mind. When you are one with it, open yourself to the Love spirit again. Invite them to sense the love you hold in your heart. The spirit's healing energy will pass swiftly through the Veil and through your personal barrier if you imitate their essence. 

She nodded and took a deep breath in, readying her mind for the intense psychological effort. It has been years since the last time she thought about her father, not ready to stir the pain of losing him in the Blight. 

"Do not fear the spirit; they only want to help you. And I am here to guide you." 

A tingling warmth passed her body at his reassurance, and she took a deep, satisfying breath, leaning her back against the tree behind her. Once again, a deep sense of calmness took over her, the sounds of the forest fading away. 

"I'm not afraid of spirits, Solas. I am a mage; I had to deal with them all my life. Or did you forget that part?" she whispered between her slow and easy breaths.

He gave her an amused chuckle but said nothing. She took this as a signal to concentrate and follow his instruction. 

Slowly, the memories pushed away all other thoughts, and a sense of satisfaction shrouded her as the love for her father poured through her mind and soul. A whole series of distant, most intimate memories rose in his mind: their first meeting, when he saved her from the slavers, his big but gentle hands bandaging her wounds; his faked reluctance to take her in when she insisted, unable to hide the sparkle of joy in his eyes; his patience and acceptance at her anger tantrums; his struggles to offer her the proper care when her magic hurt her even if he, as a surface dwarf, couldn't understand her skills; his kind arms holding her as she sobbed on his shoulder, terrified by the rage demons trying to possess her; his calm and warm voice as he spoke of Orzammar and the Ancestors. 

A lightness grew in her chest as she slowly immersed herself in those images, her father’s willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return wrapping her in bright, warm light. Her body relaxed, and her mind opened, ready to share all of it with the spirit of Love.

Immediately, new, fresh energy flooded her mind, embracing every single fibre of her being, healing any pain in its path. She gently nudged the flow towards her fingers, asking it to heal the scratches from her skin. It listened and coursed towards her left hand, a refreshing coldness prickling at her skin. 

The scratches on her hand tickled, the skin instantly healing under the touch of the healing magic, with no scars left behind. Slowly, she opened her eyes to look at her hands, the peaceful feeling fading from her mind. A gasp escaped her lips at the sight of her healed hand, her skin perfect and intact. 

"Solas, look!" she sucked in a deep breath, almost shoving her hand in his face. "I did it! It healed. I can't believe it; I healed myself." 

He leaned in to take a better look at her work, his fingers reaching for her skin, barely rushing her hand. She stiffened at his touch, the coldness of his fingers contrasting with the warmth of her skin. He swiftly retreated his hand, hiding it behind his back. When he looked at her, his lips were slightly parted, and his eyes darted over her face as if he saw her for the first time. 

She regarded his expression with confusion, tilting her head to the side and pursing her lips, narrowing her eyes, trying to read the emotions written on his face. His head flinched back slightly at the intensity of her gaze, and he blinked rapidly as if trying to remove a blur from his eyes. 

He straightened his back, putting a small distance between them and glance back at the sky. Before he spoke again, he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly. "Well done, Herald, impressive work."

His words failed to hide the baffled expression still lingering on his features, and she frowned at him, ready to challenge him. "But?" 

He turned to took at her again, the signs of bafflement completely disappearing from his face, and he hummed, obviously confused by her intervention. 

"The change in your expression after you saw my success made me realise there should be a but after that. What is it? Did I do something wrong? Is the spirit all right? Did I hurt them?" 

He shook his head, offering a pleasant smile, the same smile that always annoyed her; the smile she suspected hid his real thoughts. The type of smile one spends years to master, the perfect mask to conceal the truth from those who had no right to know it. 

"You did not. The spirit is well, and quite happy you were able to connect with it. No, I am surprised; I did not expect for you to succeed from the first try." 

She gripped her staff tighter, her knuckles turning white under the pressure. The calm and serenity shrouding her instantly dissipated only to be replaced by annoyance and bitterness, the promise she made to Cassandra forgotten.

"Is that because I'm a Dalish?" she spat, ready to confront him. "You didn't expect me to master your instructions that fast because I'm a simpleminded Dalish who has no idea about magic, right?" 

The polite smile on his face instantly dropped, his eyes sparkling dangerously with an emotion she couldn't understand. He opened his mouth to speak but failed to produce any words and closed it with a soft clank. The muscle in his jaw tense and tighten beneath his skin, and she readied herself for a lon g dispute ,but, to her amazement, he shook his head and got up on his feet, leaning against on staff. 

"Let us go. The Seeker will worry," he continued as if he never heard the words she said. He strolled towards the camp, his shoulders dropping a bit. 

She stood still for a few seconds, watching him leave, her stomach clenching at her outbursts. Suddenly, the memory of her father admonishing her for the hastiness to fight with others materialised in her mind, and a pang of shame washed over her. Even if they had their differences, those words were too harsh for the fulfilling moment they shared. Especially after he agreed to teach her something. She let out a loud sight and scrambled on her legs to catch up with him. It took her a few minutes to reach him again, and when she did, the calmness returned on his face, but she could see the tension resting between his shoulders.

"Solas?" she barely said, searching for the right words to say as an apology. 

"Yes, Herald?" he replied, no spite in his voice.

"Thank you for helping me today. I'm really grateful."

He chuckled and nodded at her, the grip on his staff loosening. He still scrutinize the path ahead of them, but the instant relaxation of his body made her realise she said the right words. "You are welcome, Herald. 

_ Was it really that simple? _ she wondered, searching his face. Was a thank you the key to solving his mysterious and mildly annoying mind? She shook her head at him, still confused but glad she learned something about him. 

"Ah, Solas!" she suddenly remembered after a few minutes of walking in silence. "I'm going to show you how to reconnect with your inner rage when we get back to Haven. A forest isn't the best place to play around with fire."

"No, it is not," he agreed, ducking his head to avoid a few loose branches threatening to hit his face.

"What I want you to do until then," she continued, eager to offer her knowledge to him." Is to think about someone who angered you. Someone who made you so annoyed, you felt like burning out their face. That should help you connect with the fire in your mind. I'm sure even you have a grudge with someone."

  
He hummed in acknowledgement but said no more about it, and she respected his silence as they walked towards the camp, grateful for the knowledge he offered her. She suspected it would take them a few more months to learn how build a friendlier relationship . , but the first steps were already made. He possessed the knowledge she yarned for, and they could use that to get along. She smirked, content she discovered the first puzzle towards his secrets and his mind.


End file.
